The Tab Tries: A Night Out On A Fiver

Why fork out for entry tickets and pre-drinks when you don’t have to?!

As a fresher, the reality of poverty is still something I’m coming to terms with.

However, on the rare occasion I do stumble across £20 I usually find myself in Ocean, half naked dancing along to the best of the 80’s.

I believe over the past seven months I have spent at least £1000 on nights out and I’m sick of it. So, I went out with just a fiver in my pocket determined to have as much fun as a 2006 Lindsay Lohan.

These are my tips for surviving a night out with a fiver.

The Golden Ticket

The Golden Ticket

Step 1 – Find a location

Now in the spirit of making things more challenging I’ve limited the places to clubs only. This means, no Lloyds, Baa Bars etc. Also the £5 does include ticket price, so no Ocean and for all the druggies out there unfortunately that means no weekly ‘fix’ at Stealth either.

Get on the Market Bar guest list and arrive before 10pm for free entry. Don’t be surprised if you’re the only person in there, I arrived and only the weird middle aged men who go clubbing were there to keep me company.

Specimen 1

Specimen 1

Step 2 – Pinpoint pre-drinks

I’m never one to spend a large amount on pre-drinks, a two litre bottle of Lidl’s white cider tends to get me ‘sloshed’. But I was on a seriously tight budget and that means one thing, minesweeping. Now this can either be done in two ways, through theft or conversation.

My collection of alcohol

My collection of alcohol

Thieving is the quickest method and literally involves you straw punching a drink, taking a sip and then running away before the holder notices. Conversation is my personal favourite; it involves talking someone into giving you sips of their drinks.

Start with a compliment, e.g:

“Nice outfit, I can really see what you were trying to do”

Then work your way to the money question of “What are you drinking?” and then when the sip has been offered say thanks and chug.

Step 3 – Find a means of transportation

Taxis cost money, so find a pair of walking boots and a bullet proof vest. If you’re at Broadgate it might be a good idea to sacrifice a pound for the bus.

Something like this should keep you safe in Shottingham

Something like this should keep you safe in Shottingham

I advise taking a hip flask for the journey, you are more than likely going to be lonely and slowly reaching sobriety. Oh, and leave your coats at home – spending dollar on having someone hold your coat isn’t worthwhile.

Step 4 – Drinks in the club

Now you’re in the club, keep an eye out for deals and cheap drinks. However, if you’re drinking Jaeger bombs be careful, my friend said they’ve been known to cause ‘arrests’?

Also, the more friends you have the more drinks you’ll get so don’t be afraid to speak to new people… like this guy, Dan



For the majority of the night I was sober and when walking to and back from Market bar I was freezing cold and alone. I did manage to have fun and surviving a night out with just a fiver in hand is definitely possible.

However, my advice: take a tenner.