Here’s how to spend the perfect Valentine’s Day at UEA if you’re single
You could always just go to Loft
Yep, we’ve reached that awkward time of the year again. By now, you’re probably either securing your table at Nando’s or wondering what the hell you’re going to do with yourself whilst your housemate is out canoodling.
If I’m honest, I myself have been fortunate enough to avoid this terrifying predicament for a couple of years now. Either as a result of being in my own ‘fruitful’ relationships, or more generally just doing something interesting enough to mean I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day.
But, now the gig is up. With the fateful event falling on the generally uneventful last couple of days before reading week (or y’know…half term for us Arts Students), I must join the tragic mass of singletons searching for a purpose on this significant day. Here’s a few ideas to pass the time on campus this Valentine's Day.
Hold hands with the library statue
One event in particular cropping up on many a UEA student's Facebook feed, is a call for the lonely masses of campus to come and hold hands with Anthony Gormley’s statue outside the library, just to imagine what it’d be like to hold the hand of a loved one on this special day.
The event, posted by Facebook page ‘VKs On Me’, inspired me to give it a go. Although this 6ft+ beauty proudly bares all, including a sense of burning passion and love towards you, his hands are crusty as hell. I’m not going to lie, this initially ruined the feeling of a warm hand of another I was trying to simulate.
However, once I opted to slip on a toasty ski glove love was in the air.
Use your tragic status to produce high quality meme content
Sure relationships and sex are great, but have you ever had over 100 likes on a meme you posted to social media? With the rise in the last couple of years of renowned meme pages like ‘Concrete Memes for UEA Teens' and 'Concrete Confessions between UEA Seshions', there’s no better time to get in on the action.
Generating more likes on Facebook and Instagram is just one of the many ways to fill the gaping crevice created by your crippling loneliness. People love content that they can relate to, and what’s more relatable than being alone on Valentine’s Day?
Fake the couple’s Instagram game
Just because you’re a lonely singleton on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean your friends and family have to know it.
By simply utilising a selfie stick (that almost feels retro now), a jacket and the very glove used to cover Gormley’s crusty fingers, you’ve got a make shift hand allowing you to snap some perspective shots with that guy or gal you "met on holiday" that will slay any gram going.
Here’s a pic of Patricia and I, she’s not quite used to the cold Norfolk weather so she can only wear gloves – none of you’d know her as I met her on my year abroad!
Smash out a solid 9 to 5 in the Library
Hey, just because your love life is dead in the water, doesn’t mean your degree has to be too. Why not have a productive all-day session in the library to etch you closer to that 1st or 2:1, and a career path that will mean your looks and personality don’t matter as much when finding a relationship.
Even after working the full 8 hours of a 9 to 5 day, there is still plenty of time in the evening to wallow in your loneliness, with a take-out order for one and a copy of Bridget Jones or couple rounds of Fortnite. A plan like that is practically fool-proof.
Realise this is 100 per cent satire and that it doesn’t matter if you’re single on Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day can be a rough time of year for a lot of people, but it’s important to acknowledge that everyone lives in their own pace and circumstances.
If you start to feel alone on the 14th February, maybe take it as a day to show love to whoever deserves it, from that mate whose always got your back to the supportive parents at the end of the phone. You might find that you’re not as alone as you once thought and a lot of us are in the same boat. Happy Valentine’s Day UEA.