There are many breeds of housemate, too many to list, but here the Tab provides you with a catalogue of some of the more common species you may come across when moving into the big bad world of private accommodation.

Weekend Walker

Ever elusive, this particular breed of housemate will, as the name suggests, simply walk out of the house on the Friday and not be seen until Monday morning. Don’t be too offended by the standoffish nature of this creature, its habits usually derive from a deep embedded desire for proximity to the pack from which it came, or possibly its mate.

Night Stalker

This specimen is only visible in the daylight hours when lectures are scheduled, and even then it is only in search of nourishment. You are unlikely to see them unless you are nocturnal, as only then does the Night Stalker come out into public unprovoked.

Doorframe Parasite

From the isolated to the overly sociable, we must next observe this omnipresent creature. When you are seeking privacy in your own dwelling, the doorframe parasite can often be spotted hovering in the entrance to your room waiting for an invitation. Indeed, they may accept an unspoken and unoffered invitation if you even make eye contact. Try not to be too affronted by this well-meaning and ultimately good-natured creature, and do try to accommodate them at least occasionally. All they really want is some companionship… And perhaps a drinking buddy.

Fridge Raider

The final creature The Norwich Tab wishes to warn you over is the most hated of all house-dwelling creatures. The name says it all. Sometimes things will just go missing without a trace. Other times you will see the culprit unashamedly downing that bottle of coke  you were saving for later, or even finishing the lasagne your mum made for you to eat well for the week. There is no way to deal with the fridge raider other than eating only non-perishable unrefrigerated food that you can store in your room, or buying ample supplies so that their thievery is less noticeable. It is your choice.

Got any other breeds of housemate you’d like to share? Comment below.