Emergency repairs at Owens Park after staff find ‘hundreds’ of used condoms in plumbing

A team of plumbers were called to Owens Park yesterday as a matter of urgency.

It was discovered by a first year student, who has chosen to remain in halls during lockdown, that many of the toilets in the communal bathrooms were either filling up or overflowing.

The student in question, Sue Age, told the Manchester Tab: “The bathrooms are pretty grim usually and so at first I didn’t take any notice of the puddles on the floor”

“But when I went in later I realised that it also smelt really bad, literally like someone had put a piss scented candle in there.”

Sue then discovered that the pools of water were as a result of the fact that almost all of the toilets were full to the brim.

University maintenance soon realised that the cause was a severe pipe blockage affecting the whole of Owens Park, which despite fortunately being almost empty currently, normally houses over 1000 UoM students, and so a whole team of plumbers had to be called in.

It was then that it was discovered that the blockage was being caused by ‘hundreds’ of used condoms.

A spokesperson for the university has commented that “whilst they are relieved that students are practicing safe sex, this problem is extremely severe and it is likely that it will cost the university thousands.”

For this reason the university is considering increasing the number of Res Life that live in Owens Park with the intention that this may force students to “behave more considerately” and be “less rowdy” in the future.

The blockage has now been cleared however the damage that it has caused is no laughing matter. One of the plumbers has confirmed that Owens Park may not be able to reopen by September meaning that over 1000 freshers will have no where to live.

The Tower could once again be desolate for a year, or even more.

One third year, April Goons, who is a previous resident of Owens Park has commented, “Does this mean that they all do it in the communal showers now? What if someone else is in there?”

If you actually believe any this, then you should now look at the date.

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