The Oscars of Manchester 2013/14

The votes are in!

Nearly a week has passed since the Oscars last week, and DiCaprio is still probably sitting in his home wondering what on earth he has to do to win one of these awards. Well, now that the prestigious awards ceremony is over, the world turns their heads to Fallowfield, Manchester.

Here are the winners for this year’s Oscars of Manchester (and sorry, Leo, you didn’t make it this time):

The Best Pre-Drink Concoction: Sainsbury’s Basic Squadka

A combination of a lack of class and coming at the smallest expense, the vodka-squash mix with water has to be the best pre -drink from last year.

Proving a far safer alternative to the vodka from New Zealand Wines, in that there weren’t copious amounts of blindness reports, the drink goes down so efficiently that people often don’t begin drinking until post 10.30pm, allowing for the most amount of napping time possible.

Runner up: New Zealand Wines 2 for a fiver

Best Watering  Hole: The Ram & Shackle

With cheap drinks, a variety of sports on, accessible pool tables, and a damn good boogie night on Friday, the Ram and Shackle has been voted the best student watering hole.

The Friendship Inn was pipped to the post due to the lack of quality sports production recently, with a lot of buffering on crucial matches.

Runner up:  The Friendship Inn

Most Popular Night Out: ‘Bass Face’, Sound Control

Undoubtedly the most popular night in Manchester in the modern era, having only started a couple of years ago.

With tickets selling out every week, and the queue filling from the earliest hour, Bass Face is rewarded for its fine balance between most forms of music.

Runner up: Drop The Mustard

Best Newcomer Night Out: ‘Four20’, Joshua Brooks

Appearing in later December, Four2o has picked up on the marijuana smoking niche of Manchester by accessing the Global traditional time and date of 4:20 smoking.

Upcoming DJ  ‘Jandu’, and young entrepreneur /music lover Taylor Livesey have enjoyed nothing short of pure success from the new experience.

Runner Up: DSTRKT

Best Post-Night Out Feeding Frenzy: Chicken King

It seems as though Paz is slowly being knocked off his perch. As recent The Tab journalist Laura FitzPatrick discovers, Shahz, is becoming the new Paz.

Situated in prime location for most 2nd and 3rd years, along with free (and genuinely speedy) delivery, takes Chicken King to the top of the hierarchical order for the first time in Mancunion history.

It’s all to play for in the 2014/15 fast food royalty season.

Runner up: Kebab King

Coolest Couple on Campus: Jonathan Darling & Helen Wilson

A shock victory here, two lecturers from the Geography department.

This might suggest that being in a relationship on campus as a student isn’t cool, I don’t know, but the deserved prize gives thanks to an overwhelming victory in the polls due to their accessibility as tutors and down to earth nature of  teaching.

As a geographer myself, there have been several inquests into the victors’ selection, suggesting that I have awarded them the prize in order to get a 1st. This is not the case, as all submitted essays are anonymous.

On a totally unrelated note, my student number is 80620451, Jonny.

Runners up: Jamie Carragher & Alice Farrar/”the Carraghers”

The Craziest Fresher: Bruno Richards

‘5 nights out a week, 1sts across the board’. A model university student.

Best House Party: 69/71 Edgerton Road

A house party hosted by 10 friends over 2 houses, perfectly distributed amount of people. Perfect balance of ‘busy’ from 11-7.

Runner up: 13 Amherst Road

Best Road to Live on in Fallowfield: Granville Road

Location benefits: McDonalds, Chicken King, Sainsbury’s, Ram & Shackle, Friendship, Spoons, Bus Stop (before it gets busy), Withington.

Other major factors:  Houses are house party friendly and have basements.

Runner up: Edgerton Road

Most Scandalous Rumour: ‘The Ali G building was closed because the glass made it so hot that the inside of the building melted, thus  making the floor sink to below ground level’

There were hundreds of ‘reasons’ as to why the Ali G was shut for so long last year, I don’t think anyone really knows why to date. This one however, was a personal favourite.

Sexiest Degree: Law

If you are worried, guys, law conversions are fantastic here in Manchester.

Runner up: Nursing

The ‘Thanks for coming award’: Zayn’s

Possibly the worst ever fast food place. Good food, cheaper than Kebab King, but the rudest workers with the slowest service forced them to shut down.

Now, the much loved Winky’s has replaced it and has been successful.

Couldn’t even find a picture on Google. Thanks for coming, Zayn.