5 Signs You’re Too Old for Freshers’

You remember the time, arriving at for your first year at university and wondering why the hell everyone had such a problem with you. Then you reach second year and you can just about keep up with freshers week so you still don’t quite get the problem. But then you hit third, fourth, potentially fifth year and you wish the freshers would just leave.

Perhaps it’s because they don’t know what they’re doing, maybe it’s because your jealous having damaged your liver so much you can no longer manage more than two nights out in a row or maybe it’s because they’re just SO DAMN YOUTHFUL.

Here’s how you can tell you’re simply too old to run with the freshers.

FAST FOOD

Both the realisation you can have fast food every day without having to travel more than two minutes outside your room (face it, if you live in Owens Park a diet is never going to work) and the novelty of having your picture on the infamous Kebab King screen soon wears thin. BELIEVE ME. (Although if you want you can still add Paz on Facebook)

HANGOVERS

Two years into your degree and the days of making it to a 10am seminar after a night on the town are long behind you. Instead the next day is spent in the classic head-over-the-sink-crying-about-your-dissertation position. Not so much fun.

FLYERING

It seemed like such a good idea to take every flyer you were given and plaster your room in halls with these. Come moving out day you realised the error of your ways. Come third year, the people handing out the flyers are just a pain in the arse.

FRESHERS’ WEEK

All the forced friendship-making is just too much to handle. Although, one of the joys of being an elder student is that you can laugh at the awkward first year friendships/relationships which have formed and witness the horror on their faces when they can’t shake the person off.

SOCIETIES

Don’t discover the societies you would actually want to join until third year. Realise you have no time/life. Retreat to the library in depressed solitude.