UCLU Muay Thai Prepares for War Ahead of Saturday’s Varsity Showdown

One of them was raised by badgers

By Duncan Smith

This Saturday at Somers Town Community Centre five of UCLU Muay Thai’s seasoned fighters will don the war paint, and head into battle against five of KCL’s best.

For those unfamiliar with the sport, expect to see punches, kicks, knees, throws, sweat, courage and triumph as the two teams clash over the coveted varsity crown.

If last December’s hugely successful University Fight Night is anything to go by its going to be a spectacle you won’t want to miss.

With a wealth experience between them, plus weeks of gruelling fitness and – worst of all – theoretical alcohol abstinence, the UCL team is looking as ready as ever.

Here’s the team:

Muhammad Ashraf Yusoff

Nickname: “Pain” au chocolat

Background: Straight Outta Singapore

Finishing Move: “Flaming Comet Destroys Unsuspecting Sheep” (Sanskrit translation)

Greatest asset: Committed pacifism

Psych up routine: Taking my opponent’s girlfriend out for long walks on the beach

Maxie Chopard

Nickname: ‘Trouble’

Background: Krav Maga

Finishing move: A somewhat backhanded compliment

Greatest asset: Laser eyes

Psych up routine: Channelling my inner beast

Marc Newall

Nickname: The Sadist

Background: The mean streets of Milton Keynes

Finishing Move: Superman punch

Greatest asset: Ass

Psych up routine: Shia Labeouf’s “Just Do It”, Dubstep Remix

Zita Méhész

Nickname: Queen Crush ‘Em

Background: Raised by Shaolin monks

Finishing move: Spinning head kick

Greatest asset: Compact; fast as lightning

Psych up routine: Half a litre of Jack Daniel’s and a McDonald’s quarter pounder

George Kuhn

Nickname: Yoghurt Pot

Background: Raised by very angry badgers

Finishing move: Folding metal chair

Greatest asset: Floats like a small, nimble badger; stings like a much larger badger

Psych up routine: Dipping into some spicy yet inspirational memes

Fights start 5:30, this Saturday, 11th March. Tickets are £5.00

Check out the event here.