We’ve rated Liverpool’s club smoking areas so you don’t have to

It’s not a night out unless your dancing to some sick house is interrupted for a cheeky fag break or a breath of fresh air when you’re coming up hard. 

Smoking areas – even if you don’t suck on cancer sticks you gotta love ’em. Their priceless uses stretch far past smoking. When there’s a huge queue for the loo, where else do you have your little vom after your first bomb? And really it’s the only place quiet enough for you to finally have that heart to heart with the girl from your seminar you’ve made eye contact with once. But which is the best?

Brooklyn Mixer

Who’s ingenious idea was it to put the smoking area at the bottom of the stairs? It’s small, it’s busy – need we say more?  4/10

Level

Huge, and a good amount of seating too. But there’s so many people so bagging a seat is hard. 7/10

The Arts Club

Similar to Juicy in the sense of having to battle against flailing limbs to find a space to light up, but its more difficult here as everyone sits on the ground monging out. If that wasn’t hard enough you’re also under careful scrutiny of the bouncers which is a nightmare when you’re trying pop another pill. 6/10

Juicy

So many people. All you want to do is enjoy your nicotine fix while you boogie to TLC but this proves difficult here. People crowd round the door making it the biggest obstacle course to grace the North West. 5/10

Raz

Are you in the queue or are you in the smoking area? Or are you in the road? Can you sit down?  2/10

Concert Square

Basically one big smoking area, possibly more smoking area than there are bars. You may even come across a police horse. Or swamped by promoters telling you that the shots are a bargain in Soho tonight. Or vomited on. And NEVER go during carnage. Ever. 6/10

24 Kitchen Street

Huge, wonderful and carrying that “builders yard” aesthetic. Many crop tops and French plaits. Hundreds of Nikes and New Balances. Thousands of Red Stripe cans. Can meet loads of “creatives” and chat about why you smoke roll ups rather than straights. Make sure you bring a lighter: you’ll make a lot of friends. 8/10

Heebies

Hands down the best smoking area in town. You can chat to that girl who lived downstairs to you in halls who you haven’t seen since the Greenbank formal. Or the 47-year-old man from Formby who’s out for his son’s stag do. So big, so social and bonus points for the female loos being conveniently nearby. 10/10

oioi

Garlands

The smoking area at Garlands is simply full of happy people. As you step outside, you’re greeted with a sea of smiles. People clutch at their cuddly toys or silver tiaras as they get their nicotine fix and speak lovingly to the group of people stood next to them. You will most likely be able to pinch a cig in this smoking area. 7/10

Bumper

This isn’t a smoking area. It’s the street. It’s the cold, rainy, grim street where the smoke hangs, frozen in the air in front of you, reminding you of your dying lungs slowly crumbling inside your chest. 1/10