Avoiding unwanted attention from sleazebags in the club
Here for the teasin’, not for the pleasin’
You’re out with girls, dancing the night away and then some drunken male starts grinding against your booty.
You don’t want to be rude and cause a scene, ruining the night, but you also don’t want to be going home with Rob, 23, from Swindon tonight. How do you turn down this aggressively gyrating hip monster, before you’re stuck with him attempting to fondle your body for the rest of the night? As much as this shouldn’t be a regular occurrence, it is. And whether it’s Toby from Aberdeen or Philip from Exeter, unwanted attention can ruin a night out.
The quick getaway
Is that your friend you see on the very far side of the club? Has your bladder suddenly decided it needs a loo break? Did you just receive a text saying a friend has broken both legs after dancing too enthusiastically on the bar? Make up an excuse and flee the scene.
The girls’ loos are men-free zones, so slide inside and text your friends an SOS message. He won’t be able to follow you, and the herd of friendly girls who inhabit club toilets will welcome you to the sisterhood with warm hugs, free drink sips and agony aunt advice on everything from make-up tips to how to get kebab stains out of your white playsuit.
Body language expert, Judi James, said: “If a guy is out on the pull, with high levels of optimism – nothing is seen as a knock back in terms of body language”.
Sometimes, it’s easiest to just escape.
Just say no
If the unwanted admirer is a half-decent human being, he should get the message if you simply tell him “No”. Sing it to him N-dubz style, spell it out in German, or bring a No sign with you to the dance floor. Whatever you do, keep your rejection short, polite and simple. Don’t cause a scene and embarrass the offender, as they’re more likely to react aggressively. Sometimes, being blunt but polite can save your night.
Camilla Morton, author of etiquette book How to Walk in High Heels, suggests: “A short sharp rebuff MUST come sooner rather than later. Hard as it is, you have to be honest. There is no nice way to let someone down.”
Pretend to have a boyfriend
Throw off the single-lady persona (remove that black leotard and the stilettos, please) and find a willing friend – or stranger – who you can cling onto, pretending to be bae.
Jamie Taylor, a Business Management second year at the University of Liverpool, always plays the “boyfriend” to his desperate friends in their hour of need. He told The Tab: “I think it works because me being beckoned over to put my arm around a friend and going for a kiss is a bit more subtle than her turning around and shouting about a boyfriend. I guess they know there’s no point in trying anymore.
“I do it pretty much every time I go out. It’s become standard procedure. As much as it means I can’t see if I actually have any game on the pulling front, I don’t mind playing the ‘boyfriend’.”
So hold hands, look sappy and pray your new boyfriend plays along. And hey, if you’re out with the boys, why not pretend you have two or three boyfriends? Make Beyonce proud and be a Power Girl.
The mysterious phone call
Ring Ring. Oh look, my phone is on silent but I’ve just got a call. Pretend it’s your auntie, calling about curtain colours in the north-facing living room. Pretend it’s that drug dealer you snitched on and he’s here now, looking for you. Pretend it’s your dog, calling for a catch up.
Pretend it’s anyone. A phone call gives you the perfect opportunity to head outside or to the loo and escape. Shout loudly at your phone, make some of those apologetic hand signals all humans understand as “Sorry, got to take this” and embark upon your successful great escape – change your ring tone to the Great Escape theme music for an even sassier exit.
Human beings are the best barriers. Whether you’re running from a zombie invasion or hiding from unwanted attention in the club, a swarm of sweaty humans will always have your back.
If someone is getting a little too friendly, shimmy into a circle of friends and take the middle-of-the-circle dance spot. Show off some slides and shuffles, have a good time. Get groovin’, get movin’ and dance away from the disco predator.
Judi added: “Boys will often look at a group of women and be intimidated. They risk loud and public rejection if they break into a large group of women. Retain assertive body language. Don’t look down at the table, don’t change your facial expression. Communicate through this that you are here, out to socialise with friends.”
Be a tell tell
If someone’s being a real pain, a last resort can be to tell the bouncer and watch in glee as they’re thrown out the club. Request Big Sean’s I Don’t Fuck With You from the DJ, glug down some Courvoisier and give them send off they’ll probably have forgotten when they wake up the next morning.
Ciaran Fitz, a barman at Cream in Liverpool, told The Tab: “Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with this that often. When it happened the last time, a girl came up to me and said a guy was coming onto her in the queue. He was really drunk and making her feel uncomfortable.
“I told her I would deal with it. When serving him I told him to calm down and if he continued making girls uncomfortable, I would have a bouncer find him, kick him out and blacklist him. He listened and apologised to both me and the girl. I had no problems from him the rest of the night. It seems like a quiet word is the best way to help stave off unwanted attention.”
Wise words. Keep level headed, be firm but polite, and if the worst comes to the worst, ask a member of staff or a friend to help you out. Remember, it’s your night – don’t let some idiot ruin it.