How to dress to hide your exam meltdown

Fake it until you make it

In the middle of revision season? Panicking about your first exam? Starting to regret all those days missing lectures sleeping off hangovers from The Raz?

If you’re feeling like your breakdown is beginning to show then never fear, you can still trick people into thinking you’re a functional and sane human being.

The Clash

Too tired to find two matching shoes before your 8am cry on the bus to the library? Just throw on some outrageously clashing garms to disorientate bystanders, so they don’t even realise you’re wearing odd shoes.

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All eyes on the fish shirt please people

Sweat it out 

Chose the extra 10 minute’s sleep over getting up and washing your hair? Just wear a hat all day in the sweltering heat of the SJ, and no one will be able to see you’ve got five days worth of grease in your hair. It’s totally normal to wear beanies in summer.

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If you can’t see the hair’s greasy then is there really any grease there?

It’s bronzer, bitch

Looking pale and pasty from sitting in the dark watching Netflix for months? Just pile on the layers of bronzer – Katy Price is your new idol. Live up to the Scouse dream and aim for your face to match the red brick buildings. Co-ordinating your makeup and location is so the next big thing.

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A clear line between face and white neck is great for enhancing that tropicana glow

Pucker up

Eye bags bigger than your student debt? Give yourself giant Kylie Jenner lips to divert the attention of onlookers. Who will be looking at your eyes when the bottom of your face is so outrageous? The answer is no one, obviously.

‘I don’t even wear lipstick what are you talking about?’

Show ’em who’s boss

If you’re too lazy to follow tips three and four, then just give a flatmate food in exchange for using them as your personal makeup artist. You’re too busy to take charge of your own life – just pay someone to do it for you.

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Maybe its Maybelline? Maybe not

Take it back to the old school

No time to put a wash on? Just pull the cleanest looking thing off the floor and drench it in febreeze. No one will know. You can pull off always smelling of fresh orchid easily.

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Not bad

Vogue

Stress crying? No problem. Go for the Anna Wintour (Or HSM’s Sharpay) diva vibes and wear sunglasses everywhere you go. If people ask questions, just tell them you’re mourning your social life.

sunglasses

Why not?

Look the part 

Finding it hard to understand your work? Put on some glasses. Great tool for tricking people, and maybe even yourself, into thinking you are clever and competent.

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‘Can people tell these are fake lenses?’

It’s all an illusion

Let yourself go by comfort eating as you attempt to revise? Just wear the gym kit you haven’t touched since that one time you used your gym membership in freshers’ week. Slip on a pair of flip flops too for extra comfort. It’ll trick everyone into thinking you’re sporty and active.

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Spice up your stationary  

If you look prepared you basically are prepared. If you have all the gel pens and felt-tips in the library, people will know you and your mind-maps mean business.

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Colouring in is good for stress relief, ok?

If you follow these fool-proof tips, you’re 99.9 per cent guaranteed to make everyone think you’re ready to get a first, and convince them you don’t cry into ice cream tubs whenever you’re alone. Or you could always take the route of yakking about how much work you did in the library and snapchat the one page of notes you actually managed to do.

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