The eight types of boys you’ll find on Leeds Tinder
So many hot people, so many red flags
Ah, Tinder. When once we’d have to rely on getting hammered at shitty clubs to pull, we now have the convenience of meeting randoms from the comfort of our own homes. There are too many jokes to be made about height, lacrosse boys and hoop earrings – so here are the eight main types of boys you’ll find on Tinder in Leeds.
The edgy one
Likes: Techno, Moretti, hair bleach.
Dislikes: texting you back.
We’re going to start off with this one, solely for the reason that we’ll cross off most of the boys in Leeds. This boy’s pictures are all taken on film and he’s got an earring, a chain, a hawaiian shirt or a pair of round sunglasses on in all of them. He wears beaten up AF1s and a windbreaker from Depop but absolutely went skiing in Val D’Isere pre-pandemic. He can usually be found in Beaverworks or at a random afters in Hyde Park.
The rugby/football/hockey/lacrosse lad
Likes: Pints and being naked, often at the same time.
Dislikes: Being kicked out of the pub, being fully dressed in public.
This one you can see coming from a mile off, mainly because they take every opportunity to show off their Leeds Uni kit. After a few drinks you’ll be unsure as to whether they own any clothes that aren’t green, but by that point they’ll have told you they don’t want anything serious so it won’t really matter.
Conversation will be a) a singular wildly misogynistic message, b) actually quite funny and unexpectedly nice, or c) fifteen minutes of them quizzing you on the offside rule because they can’t believe you actually watched the Euros.
The slightly basic one
Dislikes: Being called short.
The uni fuckboy equivalent of a ‘live laugh love’ sign. This boy went into his Leeds Tinder adventure armed with three tools: hoodies, his slightly-above-average height and dogs. Granted, dogs are always appreciated, hoodies are comfy and it’s nice to know how tall someone is before you meet them, but if I see another bio saying ‘6’3” if that matters ;)’ I may set fire to myself.
Lads! Lads! Lads!
Likes: Ibiza, protein powder, extremely tight Under Armour tops.
Dislikes: Waiting more than a week between trims.
This Leeds boy has but three interests: festivals (usually Creamfields), the gym and clipper grade one. Definitely has a pic of him on a lads’ holiday, and another two of him in the gym. Will find any excuse to be topless. Reminds me of that meme (you know the one).
The closet Tory
Likes: Signet rings, Cornwall, Jack Wills.
Dislikes: Being called a Tory.
Living in Leeds means you don’t get too many of the out and proud posh boys, but there is always the low-key one you see kicking about on Tinder. Something about the loafers, the white shirt, the Mykonos backdrop and the slightly-too-confident stance catches you off guard. Is he? Isn’t he? Is there a version of gaydar, but for Tories?
The indie boy
Likes: Charity shops, craft ale, minor gaslighting.
Dislikes: your music taste.
If you like the Smiths, he’ll judge you for liking This Charming Man. If you don’t like the Smiths, he’ll judge you anyway. Wears a hell of a lot of Urban Outfitters for someone who claims to be different from the mainstream. He takes pride in preferring expensive pubs to nights out, but if you get him drunk enough you can get him to Fruity, where he will scream Sweet Caroline with suspicious enthusiasm despite pretending to not know it a few hours earlier.
The ‘gap yah’
Likes: Full moon parties, elephants, mandala wall hangings.
Dislikes: Conversations that aren’t about his gap year.
This boy’s entire personality is the fact that he went to Mexico/Costa Rica/Vietnam/Thailand, despite the fact that we’re in a pandemic and it was two years ago now. All of his pictures involve either tie-dye trousers or a sedated tiger. Definitely has a hoop earring and a questionable stick-and-poke.
The one that looks actually quite nice
Likes and Dislikes: You’ll never find out. Sad times.
This one seems actually pretty decent: he’s fit in an unthreatening sort of way, edgy enough to be interesting (while still looking like he showers) and he seems on first impressions to have a sense of humour. You think you’ve hit the jackpot until you realise your Tinder distance was off and he actually goes to Sheffield Hallam. Maybe one day.