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I took a leaf out of Alfie Deyes’ book and lived on five pounds a day for five days

It only counts if it’s food though, right???


My destructive impulse had allowed me to blow a cool £100 on some shoes, and it was then I realised I had absolutely broken my bank balance and kissed goodbye to my entire student loan. In bitter panic, I calculated I only had five pounds a day to live on for the rest of term. Not wanting to sink deep into my crippling overdraft as I had done previously, I decided I had to make this budget work by force, while documenting my experience here, for everyone to learn from my many mistakes.

Chinese on day one

Day one:

Absolute shambles. I blew my new budget as soon as the clock struck 00:00. My damaging yet ostentatious nature had convinced myself that throwing the days budget on a chicken chow mein was perfectly reasonable. I must admit that the decision was came after one too many cheeky gin and tonics. Realising the absolute disgrace I had become I spent the rest of the day eating left over cous cous seasoned with sadness. Starting to ask myself, what is it all for? Total cost of the day: £5.30

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Day two:

Admittedly better than day one, I think I found the secret to low food costs, and brunch Is the answer. My laziness finally worked in my favour as combining breakfast and lunch seem to slash my costs. For Brunch I had a sturdy Heinz tomato soup accompanied with delicious tiger bread toast, at an even more delicious price of £1.65. After a strong start, things went downhill, and I’m ashamed to say dinner time was a not so strict affair. Fate had handed me a bar burrito flyer informing me of their student night deal of a burrito and a beer for only £5. It would be a crime to resist. I was craving a couple of coronas with the lads. Even though the bank balance was yet again damaged I did not regret on single bite. TOTAL COST OF THE DAY £6.65

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Day Three:

Finally success.

It’s a beautiful day for the bank balance, the day started off with some tiger bread toast , whilst I snacked on fruits(£1.50) and a few Nutrigrain bars (0.54p) As well the modest start. It is fair to say I absolutely FINESSED the pengest dinner, me and my flat mate decided to make a joint delicious Thai green curry noodles ingredients only costing about £2.50 each. As well as this your girl was able to cop a crate of grapes reduced to 75p? A result.

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Angela with the steal

Day Four:

An absolute write off.

It was a mates birthday thus the pub was calling. The bank balance suffered, my liver suffered. Overdraft is nigh. Total cost of the day? I don’t even know, and I don't even want to know.

Day Five:

It was time to bounce back. It was time to rise and grind. I dare not check my bank balance for I feared a heart attack was approaching. I decided to think smart, I started the day with some modest toast. Lunch was a wholesome cous cous meal. For dinner I managed to nab the sexiest fish cakes straight off the Tesco reduced section, accompanied with a even sexier salad. Total cost of the day? £4.00

In essence, at the end of this ordeal what I learnt was: I have no impulse control and I need a sugar daddy as soon as possible, or maybe even a part time job. Overall, the shoes are just not worth it.