I’m sorry, but fuck buddies are bullshit and here’s why

The best of friends who occasionally get naked together


Everyone likes sex, and everyone likes their best friend. So on paper, combining the two together into one big beautiful fuckbuddy extravaganza seems like a good idea. I am of the firm opinion that it is not a the case, and unlike we have been taught in films, you will not end up marrying Ashton Kutcher, most unfortunately. But if you are considering venturing into the world of friends with benefits, I think you ought to know the risks and more importantly why it is bullshit.

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Defining the terms of the agreement

So, you've convinced yourself that all you want is sex with this guy or girl who you've always thought is hot (because you're just oh so mature). However, the fuck buddy contract can only be successful under certain, specific circumstances.

Phrases like "this is purely physical" and "yeah totally platonic, you're like my brother" start to get thrown around as you assure eachother that you'd never even consider being in a serious relationship with the other.

This is until one or both of you breaks and to everyone's surprise, begins to show human emotion. Basically, for this agreement to work, you must either both be emotional robots, or have no physical or emotional attraction to the other whatsoever…in which case, why would you consider sleeping with them in the first place?

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Selfish (shit) Sex

Just think about it, when you have one night stands neither of you care about the other one, a lot of times its over in record time and as soon as he's had his big finish. So granted that you have got the ideal fuckbuddy situation, where neither of you have or could ever have any feelings toward the other whatsoever, there is no need to care about whether the other one is enjoying themselves and no need to impress anyone. So, what you are left with is a quick shag, severely lacking in foreplay, (which we all know is the best part) and an anticlimactic finish, pun intended.

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Cuddles (or severe lack of)

Everyone loves a cuddle, that is just a fact of life. Hungover, watching Netflix, all you really want is a cuddle but you're not sure whether that comes under the terms of your agreement. Does this make it too emotional??? You don't want him/her to think you have more feelings than you do..or any feelings at all for that matter. Better to stick to a high five after sex.

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The feelings…all of the feelings

This is an obvious one, someone always develops feelings beyond the occasional shag. You start looking into their eyes, wanting to know how many siblings they have and what was the name of their childhood dog. And then the inevitable questions come of whether this is still working for you and you have to nod silently whilst secretly wanting them to take you to dinner at their parents house.

Relationship problems without actually being in a relationship

You find yourself jumping at your phone every time it goes off and having your heart sink just a little bit when its your mum instead of loverboy/girl. Not to mention wondering if they've gone home with someone else on a night out and why they haven't drunk called you yet. It's time to either confess your love or bury it deep down inside my friend.

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Meeting someone else

This is probably the most brutal part of the fuckbuddy facade, eventually you will both realise that this can only end two ways. Either you end up magically falling in love and having babies, or one of you will meet someone else and the other will be forced to revert back to their previous lonely ways. Then you have to try and get back to being friends and hang out with the other's significant other which may prove awkward.

Ultimately, fuckbuddies end up causing way more emotional stress than an actual relationship does, just with way less cuddles (and probably orgasms). Either way, accept your millennial urges, if you wanna bang your pal with no strings attached, just let them know thats all you want. Equally, best to let them know if you want to run off into the sunset with them.

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