How to live like a celeb in Leeds: Taylor Swift edition
Never ever get back together with anyone
Everyone wants a glam lifestyle, we all wish we could afford to drop six-figure sums on watches like Lord Dissick or Armani dress Rihanna wore on the red carpet, but the truth is we can’t.
Work, education, social life, sleep- it’s not even a money thing, sometimes we just don’t have time. There just isn’t the time to keep up with celebs. So why don’t you be her. This is the essential guide to being Taylor Swift on a budget in Leeds. Pay close attention.
Eat only lettuce
We’re in a generation where weight is everything. A world dominated by fast food. Its 4AM, Space was sick, you order a Big Mac. Think of Taylor, throw away the burger and bun. Imagine yourself in them size 6 jeans. Congratulations you paid £3.50 for 4 bits of nutritionally packed lettuce. Your body thanks you and so does Taylor.
Iconic. The red lip classic thing that you like. So you could spend £14 in MAC or you could go to the Natural Collection in boots and pick up one for a small £1. But if even a quid is a bit of a stretch on your student loan, paper cut your lip and using the blood as a base with some Vaseline to achieve a sexy look all boys will go for.
Date famous people for two days
Two days is a perfect period of time to fall in love, make great memories then break up. Who has time? Seriously. Try and get a date with Calvin Harris or the fit one from One Direction. Or, get yourself a bottle of lambrini, a taxi to Pryzm and stand in front of the DJ booth until you’re noticed. Well done, you’re now dating a DJ. Title is everything. Its a love story baby just say yes.
Break up and Break Down
Okay it’s been two days and now it’s over, you broke my heart blah blah. Now it’s your time. The rise of [insert your name here] write a song, learn guitar and release an album. But literally who has the time. Get yourself to Lucky Voice at Tiger Tiger, choose an instrumental and sing your feelings.
A 50’s style designer jacket costing four figures? Were students, not drug dealers. Plus imagine how many jager bombs we could get instead. Get yourself to a “5 kilo for £15” vintage clothes sale or the local Trinity Primark. Not only have you got more clothes than Miss Swift but you also have more money. Kind of. Well more money left over.
If Spotify didn’t pay Taylor to use her music, why should we let lecturers consume our knowledge for free? Did Einstein have a degree? Exactly. Round up your class mates and start up a boycott. Remember we are the professionals of tomorrow. We are paying £9000 a year for what? A couple presentations and lousy online resources. We even have to pay to print off our work. Take your work, knowledge and classmates and begin a strike. We won’t work until paid. Basic human rights and maybe it will leave you a bit less broke.
Have a Squad
Tay Tay’s squad are infamous and everyone wants to part of it. Gather up some hot friends, who all look a little bit like you and never leave their side. It’s absolutely mandatory they have the same BMI as you. Remember you are an exclusive clique. If possible get them to come into your seminars with you just for moral support. Post photos with them to Instagram pulling funny faces regularly. Your followers (fans) need to know you have a sense of humour. Most importantly strut through campus just like they do in Bad Blood.
Adopt a pet
So your landlord may not let you get a cute kitty, but rats are ten a penny around Hyde Park and are bound to end up in your house one way or another. Taylor is often seen carrying Olivia Benson around, so take your ratty friend with you everywhere. Don’t forget the odd name. Maybe after your favourite building. Roger Stevens the Rat has a ring to it.
Following the above steps will instantly turn you into a high end emotionally unstable singer, and all on a student budget.