Life’s a struggle when you hate hugs

I have a confession to make: I hate hugs.

When I see two outstretched arms coming towards me, terror fills me and it takes all my strength not to turn round and run in the other direction. I don’t know how those natural “huggers” do it – I just don’t understand the technique. Do you wrap in close or keep some distance? How long do you hold it for until it becomes weird? What do you do with the hands behind their back? Pat? Rub?

How do people feel this comfortable?

No, I’m not a monster. I enjoy the occasional hug. But course mates, friends of friends or work colleagues? No, thanks. When I had my last day in work recently, I suggested a fist bump with my colleagues as a way of goodbye – it was way more enjoyable.

I’ve seen these “huggers” in action – clinging on to each other at the end of a lecture as they yell out “see you tomorrow!” Tomorrow?! Maybe I’m wrong, but a hug goodbye doesn’t seem necessary if you only have to endure the horror of one day without each other’s company.

The opposite of me

Even worse is a hug as a greeting. For boys, a handshake is universal but for girls the alarming new “trend” is to hug people by way of hello – even if you are meeting for the first time. Sorry, but if it’s too soon to know your name, it’s too soon to have boob to boob contact.

I just can’t

I don’t know if it’s partly being from the West of Scotland, as most of my friends from school aren’t huggers and my family aren’t physically affectionate. But whenever I venture out of Glasgow, the hugging epidemic seems to get worse. More and more social situations seem to be hug appropriate, and I worry for what’s to come. Hugging your lecturer? “Great job today mate, learned a lot.” Hugging the cashier in Tesco? “Couldn’t have done that tricky self scan without you.” Hugging your doctor? “Thanks for the STI results!”

No thanks

Maybe I’m just jealous, and I do genuinely wish I wasn’t so bad at hugs. But for those of us who are a bit more socially awkward, let’s tone down the hugging and try something else. High five anyone?