What your club pose says about you
Because smiling is just plain boring
Nothing beats the sheer excitement of seeing the club photographer when you’re out on a mad one with your mates. However, we are very quickly faced with the crippling dilemna of what pose we should strike to show the world what we stand for.
These poses allow you to read deep into their souls. Here’s what they mean:
This is a very strong look. We can tell that this guy is a few red stripes down in the midst of a very edgy night in Cab Vol. He is probably a MASSIVE techno fiend and spends copious amounts of his time searching for bangers on Soundcloud. The most imperitive assumption to make about this character is that he could smoke about ten more joints than you without even feeling anything.
A real humanitarian. This guy takes time out of his night out to convey a message of peace to us all. We should all take a leaf out of his book. Really this is just a standard pose from the common ‘basic bitch’. He probably owns a macbook, loves starbucks and wears Uggs.
Here we have three strong independent woman. The camera isn’t pointing at them, they’re pointing at the camera. They don’t fuck around and they don’t get fucked around. You can usually find them following the photographer, getting their moneys worth of posey pictures.
The ‘My flat has a concierge service’
Here we have an exclusive New Town baller. You will never find him venturing out of the comfort of George Street. Every morning, he is picked up by his personal horse and carriage and dropped at the steps of uni. The most important tip when communicating with him is don’t unless you stayed in Chancellors.
The Middle Finger
We all just know one thing about this guy – he’s incredibly dangerous. If you ever see him walking through the meadows at night, DON’T make eye contact with him. He knows that you’re reading this article right now, so whatever you do don’t laugh. Usually found patrolling the streets with his gang of mandems.
Ladies, just take a moment here. Four sensitive souls desperate to sweep you off of your feet. These guys spend most of their days complementing girls on tinder, just hoping that one day, one of them will fall for their beautiful personalities. They spend most of their nights watching rom-coms, eating Ben & Jerrys and crying about how lonely they are.
The “Look how big my bicep is. Have you noticed? I go to the gym a lot. Have you noticed?”
Wow, now this is super impressive. It goes without saying, this guy is seriously strong. Within thirty seconds of meeting him you already know how much more than you he can bench. On a night out he will head straight to the bar and ask if he can have a protein shake as a mixer for his vodka. Seriously though, we’re all thinking about how magnificent his personality must be.
The Chin Strap
A newly dominating pose for the female crowd. In attempt to analyze this, I really just absolutely cannot comprehend why the fuck these girls or the rest of the nation are doing this. One tip for these girls, phone up the lost and found department and ask them for your originality back.
The hand on hip. This screams “I care a lot about how I look, give me attention now.” It’s 10pm and hour five of this girls getting ready process. The mission of every night is to get as many guys as possible to buy her drinks. Hobbies are going out for cocktails and online shopping. Expect absolutely no sense of humour. Probably thinks that Margaret Thatcher is a fashion designer.