What you’ll be doing if you’re not on Palatinalps

Breaking your New Year’s resolutions   

“Not a single drop ’til Britain’s left the EU,” is how you start out. That seems a bit drastic though, so maybe no booze until Donald’s in the White House. Better; you have to set realistic targets after all. Wait, it’s my 21st in Feb. Ok, so, Dry January it is then. I can have fun without alcohol, I’m not dependent. But wait, no one survives SNK on anything less than nine pints and a VK. I can do it until uni starts then, Happy New Year everyone! Cheers!! Oh.

Keeping up to date with everything on Facebook

That little twinge of regret you get every time a pic of someone in a quilted onesie comes up on your newsfeed; this is FOMO. And yes, it does look as if you’re missing out. Bear in mind though that Palatinalps is essentially a massive peer pressure exercise, designed to make you feel left out and insufficient in every way. Don’t be tempted to respond, it can only cause you harm.

Watching a whole series on Netflix

Frankly, there’s nothing to regret about binge watching all previous 80 episodes of Prison Break so you’re up-to-date when the new series comes out next week. There’s no way your friends will find time between cutting lines in the snow and dancing on tables to keep up with Sherlock either, so be sure to post spoilers of next week’s episode as soon as it’s out. Whether they’ll care or not is another question.

Sleeping

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Your loony friends will come back from Tignes grouchy and sleep-deprived, while you’ll be a sort of bright-eyed cross between Sherlock and that Minion with the purple hair.

Getting ahead for next term

You know that things will get stressful towards the end of Feb, so why not get going with that reading list? Maybe you’ll actually know what’s going on when your lecturer starts talking about ‘deconstruction’ and the ‘mirror image’? Who knows, you might even start one of your essays! Unlikely, but we can dream.

Spending quality time with your dog/tortoise/siblings

Look into their eyes and know that they love you, they’ve always loved you and they always will love you. You don’t get this kind of appreciation on the slopes.