Benefactor blows £10k on bar: chaos and confusion in Collingwood

Mark, a former hedge fund manager and all-round Collingwood legend, provided his famous tri-annual banking seminar before his extreme act of generosity in the bar.

Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before he was swarmed by the pseudo-financial experts, trying their best to not look out of place in the bar with a pint of lager in hand.

The hunk in the stripy shirt

However, we did manage to get a word in edgeways with the man himself.

He exclusively told the Tab he was “quite up for a house party later”, but would have to check with the missus first.

More than £7,200 of drinks were sold in 3 hours, the equivalent of 4,500 pints or 2,800 doubles.

To put that into context, that’s enough beer to fill two hot tubs.

Fred Swift, a Geography finalist, said, “I kept trying to hand over money for my drink but they just wouldn’t take it. I was so lost I had to take myself home”.

Halloween costumes were still very much compulsory

Some killjoys were on hand to remind college members to not drink too much, but in general a good time was had by all.

Rumours abounded that the frivolities could be heard as far away as Josephine Butler.

Questionable gears, should have got beers

Caption of DU netball, Milly Wilkinson, claimed, “I wouldn’t ever normally come to college, but I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to leech off a generous older man.”

College welfare was warned ahead of time of the event, but there were several cases of bodies strewn across the corridors of Collingwood, felled by the allure of free booze.

Dangerous and irresponsible behaviour

Tom Cummins, a rugby player, commented that, “the variety of desert wine on offer, despite the lack of desert itself, was really something to behold. Thanks so much Mark”.

Mark has recently purchased Oprah Winfrey’s old Manhattan penthouse, and when quizzed on what the future holds, promised to blow his money on more property and planes.

All of us at the Tab wish him the best for the future, and look forward to his next trip up.