Hatfield Charity Fashion Show 2014

People in Hatfield are hot. No, this pains me as much as the next hill-dweller, but oh my god. I arrived at Hatfield feeling fit and left feeling like Shrek. At one point, the compères made a joke that the admission tutor for Hatfield must Facebook stalk all the candidates, and actually, I totally agree. My personal self-rating went down about 3 points during the course of the evening.

The walks were slick, especially the girls. They were all so good at walking in heels they should have put it on their UCAS. The model pony trotting was much appreciated. Top marks goes to Nancy Moore for superb sass. This was somewhat in contrast to the semi awkward swagger of the boys. Especially Will Wimmer‘s Dad-like dance moves, but I can forgive him thanks to his great rig.

The African theme lacked the sophistication of the evening. I found it naïve, it pandered to a tired stereotype. It wasn’t really African themed, more just, wherever the Lion King set was themed. It transported me more to a bad-taste 1970s fancy dress party, rather than anywhere south of Spain. But what do I know? I’m just another white girl.

The “Tribal” fabric catwalk could have been on a London fashion runway, nearly. It would have helped if they had worn shoes. I think they have shoes in Africa. I missed the pony trot compared to the more casual approach they took to the African fabric. Loved how Elliot Husband‘s testicles looked in his high fashion zip up playsuit. Definitely would have rocked that look myself.

The auction was the highlight of my night, I mean, I know they’re posh in Hatfield, but this was a joke. Fit Fresher girls cooking you breakfast went for £170, girls cleaning your house in French maid outfits, £230. Like, you could watch some top quality porn and hire a cleaner for much less than that. A table at a nightclub I’ve never heard of in Newcastle with some booze went for £300. Hatfielders certainly aren’t stingy. The compères seemed as shocked as me by the generosity of their peers; I think it was because they were the only other sober people in the house.

The underwear walk was overwhelming. People were too good-looking; I couldn’t handle it. The fact that most of the men’s pants were white and slightly stained by the baby oil they’d covered themselves in was certainly a plus. The only thing that ruined it was the creepy guy next to me sneakily filming the whole girls’ walk for his wank bank.

Stained pants

Somewhat underwhelming

At the end, the crowd was literally uncontrollable. Annie, Georgina and the rest of the exec did a fab job raising £5400 for the amazing charity Water Aid. A charity working in 27 countries to give people access to safe water, sanitation and hygiene education.

Photos by Mike Dennison. See the rest of the photos here.