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The Cambridge Stereotypes: What I Eat In A Day

The daily diet of your favourite Cambridge Characters


You can tell a lot about someone from what they eat. Whether they’re overly health conscious, only letting organic food pass their lips, or pride themselves on their ability to eat a Domino’s followed by a full tub of Ben and Jerry’s, there seem to be certain types identifiable among the Cambridge student body.

The Rower

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Breakfast: After a 6:20 am outing, the rower walks into their 9am lecture eating a Soreen loaf, just in case there was any doubt about whether they row. Bonus points if they’re still in their lycra, fresh off the water and determined to tell everyone within earshot that ‘when you catch the bug, its worth the morning outings’.

Lunch: Having already fit in two mini meals since breakfast, the rower picks up one of every option available at Hall and spreads their multiple plates across a whole table.

Dinner: The rower appears at hall as the doors open, to make sure they can fit in a gym session before their early night. Repeat the above process ad infinitum.

The Veggie

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Breakfast: They’ve prepped their overnight oats the night before and all that’s left to do in the morning is top them off with some fresh berries (organic if possible).

Lunch: The salad bar at Hall is their territory, and they pile their plate high with an aggressive amount of beans and pulses to fend off anyone who might question the source of their protein.

Dinner: Having snacked on oatcakes, Sainsbury’s pre-sliced carrots and hummus throughout the day, they whip themselves up some couscous, preferably with halloumi.

The Edgy Arts Student

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Breakfast: Breezing down Trumpington Street on their way to Sidgwick, they pick up a coffee from Fitzbillies, pausing only to adjust their curated outfit in case there’s any chance of being papped for The Tab’s Best Dressed.

Lunch: Non-existent contact hours allow for a lunch date at the Urban Shed, where the wholegrain bloomer and vegan fillings get a feature on their insta story.

Dinner: Hall food just doesn’t quite cut it for their refined tastes, so it’s either Deliveroo night with the girls or popping down to Wasabi for half price sushi at 8:30pm.

The Mathmo

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Breakfast: Mathmos don’t need breakfast, just some differential equations to get them going in the morning.

Lunch: Food is fuel, so the Mathmo picks up a sad ham and cheese sandwich from the Buttery and returns to their numbers.

Dinner: Their mum visits every Sunday to drop off provisions for the week, without which the mathmo would probably forget to eat. Thankfully, eating defrosted spaghetti Bolognese for the fifth night in a row doesn’t seem to bother them.

The Mess

Breakfast: There’s no time for breakfast when you were up until 4 am in the library and have made it out of bed just in time for your 9am. On a good day, black coffee and a banana will help them keep their eyes open through lectures.

Lunch: A pot noodle between lectures. There’s just no time for proper nutrition when you’re 2 weeks behind on work.

Dinner: They emerge from their room to head to hall for mac and cheese. (Mac and cheese and tears, as you relate to your friends just how stressed you are.)

The Procrastisnacker

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Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner are unnecessary constrains for the procrastisnacker. After all, time is a social construct. Spot them in the gyp room every twenty minutes, rewarding themselves for their productivity with various snacks and endless cups of tea. By evening, find them surrounded by the debris of their snacking, as they sheepishly gather the numerous mugs and bowls and wash them ready for a repeat the next day.

The MMLer

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Breakfast: The pastry section of Sainsbury’s is their holy grail: authenticity on a budget. A croissant is appropriately cultural.

Lunch: After moaning endlessly about how much they miss the authentic Italian cuisine they experienced on their year abroad, they go to Aromi to fulfil their cravings. They then spend the rest of the day telling people how it ‘just wasn’t as good as the pizza they had at a little hole in the wall in Naples’.

Dinner: If there’s anything remotely foreign on the hall menu, they’re likely to correct you on the pronunciation, smugly informing you that ‘it’s choritho not choritzo’.

The Medwards Student

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Medwards students make sure to stay hydrated, drinking gallons of water per hour to quench their thirst.