The Cantabulous Quintet: Formal Hall

Formal Hall: a unique part of the Cambridge experience. Whether you're outfit planning days in advance or rocking up at the last minute with your gown over the trousers you've been wearing all day – you might be able to identify with some of members of this cast of totally classic Cantabs…

Totally-together Tina

Formal on Wednesday, what a perfect opportunity to get the gang together; especially as she's just so on top of things and has her life in an actual sort of order; it couldn't hurt to have a night off! Texts the group chat, she's got the deets and of course she's the first one booked on. Outfit planned on Monday. Essay done that afternoon, wow is she on it. College pal missing a gown? Never fear, she has a spare. Hitting Wednesday cindies after? I think not, not if she's going to make that lecture tomorrow morning and get her usual front row seat to absorb all those 9am pearls of wisdom.

Thank god someone's on it…

Gap Yah Gabi

A formal!? Count her in. Texts the group chat to remind everyone to arrive at formal hall at least 15 minutes in advance. Why? Because if you didn't get some wholesome formal photos did you actually go? Plus, it's been a few days since she last reminded her 980 followers that she's jumped on the Cambridge bandwagon after 4 weeks backpacking through Tibet. Plus, it's been a while since she posted wanky Cambridge photos of the pretty central colleges – a cute group shot would strike that difficult yes-I-go-to-Cambridge but I also manage to have fun vibe just right. Though the vegan options were not on par, she still manages to eat the 'vegetable terrine' (?) slip her participation in veganuary into the conversation once more and bravely abstain from pudding. She's just so principled it's a joke.

You've seen it before

Lance the Lad

Out on the pitches at 6:15pm, only clocks he's supposed to be at formal hall at 7 after the group chat pops off, says a hasty goodbye to the lads and strolls unperturbed back to college. Takes a hasty shower. It's 6:50. Excellent timing. Chooses a pair of "completely laid-back, fuck tradition" jeans on with a Ralphie button up. Checks phone. It's now 7pm. Runs out of his room, forgets his gown. Runs back, gets gown and wine, arrives at formal hall as grace is being said. Takes a few swigs of wine after being berated by an agitated head of catering to whom he makes a half-hearted apology. Better late than never, right? Strolls in, apologies for his absence from group pre's and cracks on. Gives Harvey the look and in a flash chucks a penny into his glass. Harvey downs it and reciprocates much to Gap Yah Gabi's horror; toxic lad culture at it's finest. Just so immature… But 5 pennies in she's also mainlining Chardonnay.

Classic Lance.

Meltdown Maria

Checks her calendar. "Formal on Wednesday". Shit. Is that the same Wednesday as her 4 essays, 3 pieces of supo work and DoS meeting is on?? Yep. Pulls an late one in the library on Tuesday because Wednesday is just far too busy for her to realistically crack on with all that work and be done in enough time to have that crucial hour to get ready for the formal hall. But what if she gets set more work on Wednesday? What then? How on earth will a formal fit around her reading time for Thursday's supo? Goes to type "Soz guys not going to be able to make it tomorrow I just have too much -" but trails off, deletes the message and sighs. She's socially obliged to go and if she cancels then it will be even more obvious that her life is falling apart. She can't cancel now. She'll just have to live with her mistake. URGH. *stress*. But two hours later turns out she's having a great time knocking back the £4.25 Sauvignon Blanc she bought enroute supo and has managed to put the thoughts of her deadlines aside and is trying desperately to hold her ground amidst her friends' pleas to come out afterwards… it could be fun?

*cue meltdown*

Harry the Hack

Can't actually make the formal because he's rehearshing for the next Footlights Smoker. Seriously, they should have checked his recent cover photo and profile picture update to know that he's just not avaliable and confined to the ADC for the next week. Trust him, he actually would have loveddddd to come but with great thesp pride comes great thesp responsibility and skipping rehearsals to go to formal hall will cost him precious Cam Dram points. Oh wait, actually, could he come to the formal hall dressed as Malvolio from Twelfth Night? If so, there's a chance he could leg it out of his rehearsal and make it in time for pudding? Met with dissaproving responses, he agrees to meet them out after, he'll pre on the way. Classic Haz.

A true thesp response.