First. Supervision. Ever.

Journey through the most terrifying day of this fresher’s life.

6:25: Wake up because sixth sense tells me something terrifying is about to happen.

6:30: Alarm rings.

6:45: Remember with deep resignation that today is the day that I have to prove my "great passion for law" (RIP personal statement 2016).

Karma for my 'great passion'

Karma for my 'great passion'

7:30: Mid way through reading cases, decide watching the new Riverdale won't hurt.

8:15: It hurts.

8:30: Scrambling to get things together for 9 AM lectures – how long does a fully charged laptop last? What if it dies in the four hours before the supervision? Where are the plug points in LG19? Should I write it down in case?

8:40: IB speed-writing talents have vanished mysteriously, cannot write 15 pages in 10 minutes.

2 and a half hours. 3 essays. Faith is essential.

2 and a half hours. 3 essays. Faith is essential.

8:43: Meet neighbour as scheduled outside rooms because we enjoy being pedantic about meet-up times.

8:51: Share awkward encounters with cyclists, waste valuable time; "no, you first", "no, no you", "go ahead", "no, please"… (nailing British politeness, fitting right in)

10:00: Lecture begins

10:10: Nervously fidget with my jacket.

10:12: Nervously fidget with my phone.

10:13: Nervously fidget with will to live.

10:21: Ask friend doomed question in hope of mutual self-hatred "Did you read the entire case, or like the entire case?"

10:24: Friend has read the entire case. Brilliant.

So enticing, so very enticing

So enticing, so very enticing

10:32: Huh, looks like freshers' flu is gone, yay no more furious coughing.

10:33: Furious coughing begins.

10:50: Stop paying attention to the lecture and check your battery.

10:51: If I have 60% left at the end of two lectures, will it last for three more hours? Does battery decrease linearly? Is that a dumb question? Should I ask someone? Do people at Cambridge ask questions about linear battery consumption?

11:00: Phew, two down. One hour break.

11:22: Walk to fellow supervisonees. "So you guys are using your laptops right?" (Smart, keep it causal)

11:23: "I printed out all my notes," reply fellow supervisionees. Worry heightens, as do general murderous feelings.

11:24: "Should we discuss the questions?" I ask hopefully, imagining the beginning of a grand and beautiful friendship, meeting for tea every two weeks to calmly chat about the supervisions to come, sharing longstanding inside jokes about 'how the approach in Anns v Merton differed from that which developed since Murphy and Caparo' and laughing about how we became friends over a 'tort' supervision like "oh my god ha ha, can't believe it, such a random law".

What I imagined pre-supervision discussions with friends to look like

What I imagined pre-supervision discussions with friends to look like

11:30: “Why? We’re going to discuss them in front of her in an hour” is what 'friend' replies, crushing my hopes like the Supreme Court in Rees v Darlington Area Health Authority [2004] 1 AC 309. Note to self – get new friends.

1:00: Finish last lecture of the day and walk out. Realise the Law Society has free donuts today.

1:02: World collapses as I realise the free donuts don't start till 1:30. What a waste of a two minute detour.

Alas, what could have been

Alas, what could have been

1:16: On route to supervision. Is she going to be mean or mean mean? Evil or evil evil? (Huge differences). Is she going to call upon us or will she let us choose? Is she going to be a bloodthirsty predator hunting for the weaker prey (probably me) or will she sense my fear and take pity?

1:19: Enter room. Where should I sit? If I sit right next to her and keep my laptop tilted, she'll see I've done the work. Then she won't call on me. I'm a genius. No wait, if no one answers, she'll see I've done the work. And then she'll definitely call on me. Urgh. Maybe I should sit as far away as possible, then I'll look to someone else if she looks at me. What if they do the same thing to me.

1:20: All seats have been taken. What a waste of strategised chair choosing.

Accurate depiction of my mind

Accurate depiction of my mind

1:27: I'm the only one using my laptop. Does she want me to shut my laptop? Is she not saying anything to be polite? Is it implied that I should shut my laptop? Am I typing too loudly? Can one type too loudly? How do you control the volume of typing? Why am I thinking so much about typing? What did she say? What is law?

click click tap tap click click tap tap

click click tap tap click click tap tap

1:40: The most horrifying thing of all happens.

(Cue scary music).

1:41: It's going surprisingly okay?!

1:53: She's being so nice, is she supposed to be this nice? Am I the only one weirded out by her niceness?

2:15: "That was great, I'm so impressed" What is she talking about, why is she being so positive, is she being reverse positive to hint that it was terrible, is reverse positiveness a thing?

2:19: Walk out of room. Exhale.

2:21: I'm so calm right now, this is the calmest I've ever felt in like ever. Sun's shining, birds are chirping.

2:32: "So you going back and starting criminal or what?" asks fellow supervisionee.

2:35: One down. But three more to go.