9 Best Freshers’ Week Bonding Films

Having talked your way through one too many sticky-label meet-and-greets, there will come a time when you will just want to shut up and let someone else do the talking.

Behold below the films that will gladly take the weight off your throat whilst simultaneously incubating those friendships you might otherwise have lost to silence.

Sit back, plump an extra few cushions, and light up Sockshare. Because you need friends. And also because you haven’t seen Bend It Like Beckham in far too long.

Mean Girls

An incredibly quotable cult classic, Mean Girls will let you laugh away at the high school environment you think you’ve left.

Helpful to identify who has a sense of humour and its now iconic status means there are many drinking game rules for it.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

‘Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and take a look around every once in a while, you could miss it…’

Wise words, and there are few films in any genre as fun as Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

This film will give you a valuable piece of advice for your time at Cambridge. While it may all seem intense and scary at times, don’t forget to take time off to mess around with your mates.

The Human Centipede

Nothing brings people together better than shared disgust. And from the acting to the infamous titular creation, there is plenty to object to in this film.

However chances are it won’t be the most disgusting thing you see in your freshers week, leaving you with the stomach to deal with almost everything you may see during your time at Cambridge.

Toy Story 3

A film that will let you all bond over your secret sadness to have left childhood behind. Wipe away each other’s tears as Andy says goodbye to his toys and agree that adulthood hasn’t quite arrived yet.

And if only one person cries well then you can always bond over good old-fashioned teasing.

Life of Brian

‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ is a song some of you may need during your Cambridge experience, or perhaps even your freshers week. And of course there is the Cambridge connection in the form of Chapman and Cleese.

I watched Python with some people during my freshers week and I don’t hate those people, in fact I still talk to some of them from time to time so…it clearly works.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVHhg67RVd4

Castaway

“Castaway” is just too much for you to take on your own. The blossoming of friendship between a man and his decorated football rings just a little too close to home, and don’t for God’s sake say it doesn’t.

That ball is everything you thought university might be – a friend, a lifeline, a challenge – and now there it departs, buoyantly going where no man has gone before / unpractically offshore into the Pacific.

You do, however, intend to fight for this football, and so is your new fresher friend, and isn’t that great for you both.

More pressingly you have grown a beard of late and Castaway is full of incitements for your film companion to pet it.

Bend It Like Beckham

“Bend It Like Beckham” has long been the jewel in Putlocker’s crown. It is the Pirates Of The Caribbean of the transcultural sporting comedy genre, and not just because it stars Kiera Knightly. Not only do both tales contain enough adventure to satisfy even the choosiest of Gullivers, they are both home to a lot of Shouting At Weddings.

A good scream during matrimonial vows, as we all know only too well, is as triumphantly motivational as it is deeply arousing.

Set this to a soundtrack almost exclusively composed of Mel C hits and you have yourself the perfect bonding atmosphere.

Allow it to oust you from your post-Cindies slump and drop you straight back into friendly if not ambiguously homoerotic competition with your fellow freshers. Joe, what Joe a man Joe? Yes – Joe, a man, Joe!

The Parent Trap

This was back in the day when Lindsay Lohan knew all of her lines. Back when the Logan Imaginary provided you with two Lindsays which, albeit not quite as good as three, were quite enough to cater for a wide range of trans-Atlantic audiences.

Do your best to forget the carnage currently ensuing at The Playhouse and let Lindsay unite you anew: two accents one body, two parents one trap, two hearts one Queen Elizabeth 2. I need not go on.

Titanic

The ultimate in befriendment-catalysts and a masterclass in How To Be Celine Dion.

You and your acquired posse will not be able to refrain from heightening your arms to the horizontal in mock neck-kiss ecstasy, releasing all the pheromones needed to create deep-set human bonds.

Have a sniff. Have a scratch. “Titanic” also teams dolphins with pipe-organs; treble clef perfection with a blowhole to boot. Unmatched.