Would You Rather – Exams Special

It’s the time of year for Cambridge students to think about big questions. How do the intestines function? Was Pitt the Younger really a better leader than Charles James Fox? What does Ovid’s use of imagery tell us about Roman society and the nature of love? And, most importantly, how will YOU answer The Tab‘s latest would you rather?

The dreaded moment of inquisition has arrived. Take time to plan your response carefully. No cheating by talking to other candidates. Now you have read the rules and instructions carefully, you may begin….

1. Skip round the UL stark bollock naked and covered in jam singing “Don’t Worry Be Happy” ten times a day until exams finish.

Just the sort of nice, relaxing message you want in exam term.

On the plus side, the UL is so large and mysterious that thus far there are no confirmed reports of anyone ever having bumped into someone they know.

Then again, being seen skipping is hard to come back from, is it really worth the risk? And that’s before we start talking about the angry finalist’s reaction to getting jam dripped on them.

Protection against being lynched from the Reading Room bookcases is not included.

 2. Have to sit every single exam across every tripos using your non dominant hand, re-sitting until you get a first.

Torture in perpetuity

Everyone wants a first, right? So having one in each of the twenty-eight courses Cambridge offers has go to be a good thing.

Let’s be honest, you could have Land Ec down 10 minutes in. Learning Spanish sounds rather fun – top holiday opportunities. And think of the CV points.

Then think of the numb bum, the aching hand, the fact you could barely manage GCSE maths so you’ll be doing that one at least annually until the day you die.

Hmm…

Time’s up. The least inspiring example of democracy since last Thursday is calling. Cast your vote now: