Where are the yam fries?

JOE GOODMAN is worried about the lack of yam in the cam.

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News declined to publish this story, so I decided I’d have to take it on myself. I think it’s important these things are put down in writing so people can decide what they want to do about it.

When it comes to food, every college has their good and bad days. One day it might be fish and chips while the next it might be borsch. One day might be soggy biscuit pudding while the next is double chocolate. It’s up and down like the best of us but the unpredictability adds to the excitement.

But one thing I’ve never seen, at any college, is yam fries. Now I accept this might just be me and I can’t claim to have eaten at every college for every meal, but never, wherever I have been, have I ever seen yam fries.

Is it too much to ask for?

It’s crazy to think I probably wouldn’t have even noticed the fact if some observant soul hadn’t thought to point it out on the Homerton freshers’ page. Sometimes it’s the most obvious things that go unnoticed the longest.

Sweet potato fries sure, we get them at hall occasionally. But they are not the same as yam fries. Sweet potato fries are made out of sweet potato while yam fries are made out of yam.

And don’t get me wrong, I love French fries as well. There’s nothing like a bit of Parisian grease to feed your Easter term blues.

But I really just don’t understand where the yam fries are? For goodness sake, I’ve even seen parsnip fries, but never once yam.

Elliptical ‘skinny fries’ at Jesus, 72p for 5

Come to think of it, I’m not sure when the last time I saw a yam was. There are never any left in the supermarkets, and the shop assistant in Sainsbury’s only mumbled something about not working there when I asked him.

It struck me then that maybe Farage was right after all. What has happened to this once proud nation with our glorious British yams, the finest in the civilised world? Since when was it alright for people to come into our country, into our very own kitchens, and take away our delicious, crispy, tender, sweet (but not like a sweet potato), beautiful yams?

No this will not do, I will not it have any more. It’s almost as upsetting as that time I had to give mouth to mouth to a first-aid dummy that looked like Jimmy Saville. And that gave me nightmares for weeks.


Fellow people of Britain unite. It’s time to make a stand. Like the popularity of trendy salad ingredients before them (rocket, avocado, quail eggs), our yams are ready for the spotlight. Petition your college, protest parliament, demand to see the manager of your local Tesco. Enough is enough and there are not enough yams but that resulting absence of yams is enough for enough to be enough and I’m damn well angry about it.

Now what the fuck is a yam.