Ten reasons why Robinson is better than Trinity

Once, someone declared that Trinity was the best college in the world. 

“It’s got everything you could ever want,” they said. “Beauty, money, power, status, history, land…” The list continued, but the masses had stopped listening. It was then and there, through the drones of the Trinitarian, that  Henrik Wetter-Sánchez decided that Trinity really wasn’t the best college after all. Not compared to one at least…

Robinson is home to Jesus Christ. And I don’t mean Trinity’s feeble-statued attempt. Our enigmatic JC makes heads turn as his tall, bearded, revered figure floats past on clouds of tranquillity. No one is certain from whence he came or wither he goes. But whether you are suffering from post-Cindies VK-overconsumption or are just in need of a calming aura to counter those essay-deadline stress levels, JC is your man. This leads to only one logical assumption: in their fancy 16th Century chapel Trinity worships Christ, Robinson has Christ, therefore Trinity worships Robinson.

Robinson inspired Apple. Yes, that way around. The plans for Robinson’s award-winning architectural design, praised for its simplicity, economy and impact were the inspiration for Steve Jobs to set up what is now one of the most successful and well-known global brands. If you don’t believe me take a stroll around Robinson and you’ll see what I mean.

Plus our name essentially means baby male robin

Robinson has more red bricks. Lots more. In fact, it has been calculated that Robinson could actually brick up the entirety of ‘Castle’ Trinity  and give it the same modern feel that its antiquated architecture is lacking. Some people have been heard to describe Robinson as an amalgamation of a car-park, a supermarket and a prison. But I would point to the far superior practical benefits of all of those things over castles nowadays.

Robinson has a jelly society. This is run by the designer beard-sporting Mark Driver. A legend in the Robinson community, Mr Driver has always had a passion for jelly and is rumoured to harbour the ambition to set up a Jelly Van to rival the Trailer of Life. Does Trinity have such a unique mix of ingenuity and entrepreneurial talent that is even faintly comparable?

Robinson, in its image as the golden Apple of Cambridge colleges, puts practicality before needless aesthetic beauty. That’s why Robinson has none of the superfluous green courts that abound in Trinity, instead opting for (yep you’ve guessed it!) red-brick courtyards. Binsonites praise the advantages of being to walk across their modern take on the out-dated ‘court’, saving valuable seconds every day.

Robinson has a ‘Garden Restaurant’. This offers extraordinary views of the college’s vast and exotic garden while you sit in what is underwhelmingly described as a cafeteria. I prefer to think of it as an avant-garde take on the out-dated formal hall at Trinity. Thankfully, at least Trinitarians are spared the embarrassment of seeing their outmoded architecture while they eat, since their windows were intelligently installed high up their unnecessarily tall dining hall.

Obscuring the passé architectural mess outside

Robinson has less money. Money breeds evil and this is the sole reason that Robinson has decided to turn away the endless stream of donations it is offered each day. Robinson could easily have the largest endowment in Cambridge but it defers the charity onto to better causes elsewhere rather than hoarding like a miser. “How generous”, I say.

Robinson students will never die in a fire. Fact. Thanks to the Herculean efforts made by our beloved head porter Colin Barnes, hardly a week goes by without a refreshing 5am tune raising Binsonites from their slumber. As a bonus he often makes special dispensation to arrange the alarm on a Monday or Thursday morning so as to ensure they are drilled and ready to save themselves at all times and in all states of post-Cindies or post-Life near-death. Thanks Colin.

Robinson has the best diversity in the university. Unlike Trinity’s frankly disturbing obsession with mathematicians. The ‘pool’ is a wonderful and underrated creature that works in mysterious ways and furnishes the college with the talent that other colleges like Trinity mistakenly reject. Harry Potter was rejected from almost every major publisher until Bloomsbury accepted it and that didn’t turn out too badly did it? Logic suggests therefore that the next Harry potter will been written by someone from Robinson.

The magical Cambridge pool

Finally, Robinson is cooler than Trinity. Proof? Well, Robinson does worse in exams (age-old confirmation of coolness), beats them at rugby (everyone knows the cool kids play rugby) and its drinking society doesn’t even officially exist. It’s THAT cool. Chin up Trinity. Keep trying. It’s cute.