Poll: How Old Is Too Old To Land A Fresher?

There’s been some kind of mistake. 400 Cambridge students went to London the other day because they think that “the big issue facing us” is tuition fees and education cuts. Obviously that isn’t the big issue. The question dominating discussion at every college hall this week is getting with freshers, and how old is too old to be in the game.

Feedback from angry readers indicated that following my first week fresher hunting tips resulted in humiliation and derision. Apologies for that.

One Jesus third year told me that his friend’s efforts to hoover up the college’s class of 2013 had ended in “a series of monumental fuck-ups. My one attempt resulted in JCR intervention and a claim for damage to one innocent fresher’s bedroom door.”

Another correspondent told me that my truism of “Downing pints and chinning shots guarantees you instant clunge” led to him being found on the roof of Trinity with the 1992 girl that he’d lured back there (to see the stars, obviously) nowhere in sight. A few gash hunters have said it wasn’t so much the tips that lacked wisdom, but the fact that twirling an unsuspecting fillie round in preparation for a cheeky lunge is seriously difficult when you’ve got six VKs in each hand.

The response from freshers has been equally disappointing. The ‘Reconnaissance’ tactic (read: comprehensive Facebook stalk) in particular scared away many a fresher attempting to re-invent themselves at Cambridge – apprently chat-up lines about “the dress you wore at Leavers’ Ball” were not a winner.” Violent and traumatic break-ups with their old flame from home also left freshers depressed, and definitely not in the mood for a rebound.

The few fresher-hunter match-ups that have survived have been the source of vicious gossip and merciless treatment by our very own C.am girls.

Luckily, fresher hottie hunting is a game of two halves.

The acrimony created by your early blunders should now have subsided. Once more unto the breach dear friends? Well, maybe.

The ‘half your age plus seven’ rule would legitimate the advances of most third years. And the mathematical ineptitude of the rule’s creators means that by employing the other part of the rule (double your age and deduct seven) freshers can justify shacking up with any cradle-snatcher up to about the age of 29.

But where should you really draw the line? Should freshers entertain the advances of a fourth year with a gap yah under his belt? Does one PhD rugby player’s dictum of “too young to talk to, old enough to shag” really hold true?

VOTE NOW in our definitive poll below.

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