Robert Smith: Culture Vulture

Culture Vulture returns with everything you could ever want this exam term, from Trolls and Ponies to a Varsity based Downfall parody.

Culture2 Four Lions Smith Surry Union Varsity Vulture

It’s the week in which a progressive alliance between Eton College and Westminster School has begun running the country. Your soul has probably been so crushed by exam term you don’t even care, however. You’re only reading The Tab as part of your ritual cycle of exam denial, along with Hermes and Facebook. You’re bloody addicted to the stuff apparently.

There’s reason to be cheerful though. Our lovely Editor Phoebe Luckhurst has finally got round to doing a Tab Rates vs. Tab Slates this term. Also Varsity have made the rather embarrassing error of referring to The Tab in a public notice warning its writers not to refer to The Tab (but more on that later). Finally, there’s another batch of Culture Vulture goodness being delivered fresh to your screen. Bask in its warm glow children.

Art: So you’re the arsty type eh? You’d probably enjoy James Surry’s new attack on boredom, Trolls and Ponies. Its election coverage is genius and its sex columnist is genuinely foul and, hopefully, a liar.

Food and Drink: Let’s face it, your healthy eating regime has collapsed under exam stress. Most likely you are eating a McDonalds every evening and then smearing the remaining grease over yourself whilst quietly sobbing and singing ‘Like a Virgin’ to yourself. Sainsbury’s is shut until Thursday as well, so what chance have you got?

Music: The Fiver at the Junction on Friday is always a good bet if you’re looking to snag yourself a starving, image conscious indie boy or girl. Alternatively, there’s a dodgy Queen tribute band playing the Corn Exchange the same night if your plans bite the dust (geddit?).

Film: I recommended Four Lions last week, true, but the Picturehouse are having a satellite Q & A session with the director (and all round comedy hero) Chris Morris after their screening on Saturday. If that doesn't take your fancy, Easy Rider is being shown there on Wednesday, so go along and prove how goddamn counterculture you are you snivelling privately-educated cretin.

Television: Have I Got News For You has been on top form this series, with Chris Addison’s rant about journalists failing to understand the nature of coalition government one of many moments of genius last week. Or you could watch the cheerfully packaged harbinger of the apocalypse Britain’s Got Talent I guess.

Style: Yves Saint Lauren once said ‘Fashion fades, Style is eternal.’ As a historian I have to say he was dead right. Check out this photo of Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trial with his completely on trend sunglasses and headphones combo.

Union: If you missed Oliver Stone last night don’t worry because there’s plenty on this week. Oh no wait, there really isn’t. Seems like you’ll be spending another week procrasturbating.

YouTube Video of the Week: After Varsity’s cock-up being displayed as our featured image, I couldn’t think of any other way of paying tribute other than creating a Downfall parody (although as YouTube have become more facist than the Nazis depicted in the video about copyright, we're relying on the lovely guys at Vimeo for the second time this term). Also Jack, I’m only kidding.