17 Harrow-ing things about the privately educated that baffle state school kids

Why do you still wear your school PE kit everywhere?

Bristol. The home of hot air balloons, Aardman and literally thousands of private schoolers. Privately educated students are just like TakaTaka, no matter where you are in Bristol you’re probably never more than six foot away from one.

In the 2019/20 academic year, a whopping 34 per cent of the students attending Bristol Uni were privately educated, in comparison to only seven per cent of students nationally. In 2021 Bristol Uni students rejected a proposal that would have capped private school admissions at seven per cent. 

If you are one of the students who got into Bristol without your parents spending thousands on your education, you’ve probably never experienced such affluence before in your life. Navigating university alongside dealing with private schoolers is bound to rock your world.

Here are the 17 biggest questions state school students have for private schoolers.

1. Why do you still wear your school PE kit everywhere?

How are you still sporting your year ten kit when you are third year uni? Is it only your ego that grew?

2. Will you ever stop romanticising working class life?

I really hate to break to you, you’re not from the ends, you’re from Chelsea.

3. What is mufti day?

What is mufti? Why do you call it that? Surely it makes more sense for it to be named “non-uniform day” because it’s just a day where you wear normal clothes.

4. Why do you all have double-barrelled last names?

Is one last name not enough?

5. What’s the fixation with skiing?

Why do you all just know how to ski?

Ski season has ended and all that’s left is the seven Instagram posts you’ve squeezed out of the uni ski trip?

6. Why are your school uniforms so tapped?

Some state schools don’t even have ties, yet you seem to be wearing bonnets and blazers as soon as you leave nursery. Is a straw hat really necessary?

7. Why do you all live in Wills Hall catered?

It’s just an extension of the boarding schools you all love so much!

8. What’s the point in learning to speak Latin?

Does it benefit your life in any way because I’m pretty sure it’s a dead language?

9. Do you think it’s normal to call your parents Mummy and Daddy?

“Mummy” and “Daddy” are far too sexualised now for this to continue.

10. Singing hymns in school

The fact some of your schools actually had chapels that you were forced to go and sing Jerusalem in is baffling. You probably weren’t even forced, you definitely loved it.

11. Why are you so obsessed with Fishies?

You’re at Gravity every Wednesday without fail. I don’t think I’d ever been surrounded by so many of you than when I went to the first ever sports night in Freshers. It was literally a culture shock.

12. Why do you only shop at Clifton Down Big Sains?

What’s wrong with ALDI or LIDL?! Do you not get scared about missing out on the Special Buys aisle?

13. How did you still travel in a pandemic?

While everyone else was trapped inside, rocking backward and forwards in the first lockdown, you were still posting Instagram stories of you running around Costa Rica without a care in the world. How did you do that?

14. Is there a secret private school network?

You all know each other somehow and all manage to stick together. Loads of you swanning around Bristol sporting Ralph Lauren and speaking Latin is honestly intimidating.

15. Is there a specific requirement to own a certain number of horses?

I mean it makes sense. Where else would you get your horse tranquilliser from other than your own private stables?

16. Schöffels?

Love a silly little fleece gilet don’t you xxx Perfect to go shooting in.

17. Why do you insist on consuming all your alcohol through funnels and snorkels?

I doubt it’s just Lambrini either. That’s a lot of expensive wine you’re guzzling all in one go.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Why does everyone know how to ski? The Bristol ski through the eyes of a beginner

•  Bristol Uni students REJECT private school admissions cap

• Colston Four member set to make £20k from selling off their personalised Banksy t-shirt