More things I’ve legitimately heard Bristol students say

“Right, I’m off to get my daily dose of vagina”

Bristol’s back, with even more shit chat.

I thought the last edition was going to be a one off, but Bristol just can’t help itself. The combination of closet poshos desperately trying to stop themselves from slipping Val d’Iseres into conversations, borderline worship of recreationally usable tranquillisers and ready availability of trousers so flared that they appear simply to be sails jacked from an Elizabethan fleet never ceases to provide great entertainment.

On some days at Blue Mountain it’s easy to think the place is simply a bunker full of Tim Westwood clones still hoping to get the green light for Pimp My Ride: UK season 2, chatting to the walls about Rinse FM and hoping their jaws aren’t going to fall off.

The buzz of strange conversations that hovers in the corners of chicken shops at 5am like a cloud of gnats is often the perfect tonic for when the crippling existential dread slowly starts to creep in.

Here are some excellent examples:

People talking about drugs

“What’s up dawg, I just snorted a line of feta”

“You know what Hugo, I wish there was a planet made of weed”

“This alleyway is so heroin chic”

“So what was doing MD at work like then?”

“Yeah, we’ve kind of formed a weed appreciation society”

People talking about Music

“Mate, trust me, all I need in life is techno and weed. And maybe bitches”

“I’m not gay but I’d totally suck Mac Demarco’s dick, like for the music”

“Oh yes mate, turn that shit up. Absolutely sexual kick drum there”

People talking about food

“Pesto is THE uni essential, I think I’d die with out it” – “Preach it girl.”

“If I ever get enough money I’m going to turn Taka Taka into a Greek food themed nightclub.”

“I flat out refuse to eat scrambled eggs without olive oil on the toast”

“Would it be wrong to take a girl out for a first date to Donnervan’s?”

People being weird

“And there was this double ended dildo just straight up flying at me down the corridor”

“Fucking hell Steve, I can feel my geezer levels rising just from stepping into this place”

“I feel like he’s got a dash of autism”

“Oof, darling you know I can’t resist a bit of corduroy”

“Right, I’m off to get my daily dose of vagina”