How not to get fat at university

Because you can’t live off Roosters forever

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Over Christmas I realised I was getting fat when my dad turned to me and said: “Son, what’s going on? You are twice the size you were last time I saw you!” He was right. I had ballooned since coming to university. But why does this happen? How come we spend our school life living a relatively fat free existence, but as soon as we go to a new city, we start to evolve into the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters?

After asking myself this I soon realised having Roosters on a night out will hinder my rippling pectorals, drinking copious amounts of beer will soften my rock hard abs, and watching Jeremy Kyle all week will make my ass look like Coventry in the blitz. We should be in the prime of our lives. So, after some careful research, I rated the five best ways to apparently not get fat.

Tip: don’t do this

Or this

Take up smoking

I know what your thinking: smoking kills. Yes, thats true, but wouldn’t it be nice to get into that size 12 dress or medium shirt? Smoking is infamous for suppressing appetite so therefore it won’t make you as hungry anymore. Smoking becomes part of a routine, so it would be a good way to control your eating when you get bored. But alas, by trying to lose weight you want to become healthier, and unfortunately smoking will only increase your health risks.

Not so good after all

Effectiveness: Works for most people.

Recommended: Not really.

Do some bloody exercise

Exercise is a fantastic way to burn weight, as it allows you to get rid of the calories that your body is consuming everyday. Exercise is also a way of toning up the body, so instead of just being thinner, you will have more muscle and flexibility. If you join a sports team you will also gain access to sports night, and that’s the best kind of cardio.

Exercise is always better with friends

Effectiveness: Very.

Recommended: If you can be bothered.

Ditch the Guinness and make vodka your new best friend

Plato hypothesised: “He was a wise man who invented beer”. As much as I love a good beer (preferably a Guinness), it is not great for your waistline. Ladies, I know how much you love your cheap Rose with a straw in the bottle, however, you too are consuming copious amounts of calories which are counter productive to your enthralling physique. Switch these for low calorie drinks like Vodka or Whisky, as they will help keep you trim. But stay away from those mixers!

Whisky with no mixer? No problem

Effectiveness: Yes, if you drink a lot of your calories.

Recommended: Only if you like your spirits neat.

Start juicing everything in your fridge

My attention was drawn to this as an option after watching an eye opening documentary on Netflix called, “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”. Instead of consuming regular food, you juice all your meals, which consist only of vegetables and fruit. These are very good for your body and contain little fats and purely natural sugars. It is recommended that you eat solid foods as well, however, it is a good way of supplementing your diet and will help you lose weight.

Nothing better than a liquid lunch

Effectiveness: Very, if done right.

Recommended: If you don’t mind drinking all your meals.

Eat the right kind of foods (mainly green stuff)

A great combination of protein and vegetables will fill you up and give you all the energy you need. Takeaways, burgers and bread may taste great, but over reliance on them will mean your body has to pay the price. If you don’t want to get fat at Uni, eat correctly and be honest with yourself.

So much better than

Effectiveness: 100 per cent.

Recommended: Yes, if you value your figure more than your food.