Lets face it, UUJ is better than QUB

Jordanstown is often reflected negatively and Queen’s is portrayed as King Dick. It is time to change this ideology and let everyone know just why Jordanstown is the best university to attend. It might not be as fancy as Queen’s but what we have is something money can’t buy. We have the craic.

Luv you, UUJ

Eating a fry in class is acceptable

Missed breakfast? Not a worry, get yourself into the Union for a 5-piece fry for £2.50. Class started five minutes ago? Not a worry, get in a takeout box and eat it in the lecture. The lecturer will be delighted at the fact you actually made it in.

The Mall

Potentially the best people watching spot in the whole of Ireland. When severally hungover and paranoia kicks in and you think everyone is watching you. Don’t worry, you aren’t going crazy they are watching you and they are judging you.

The mall is a good a place as any for an afternoon kip

The Unilink

Often a dreaded bus journey for any Poly goer but seriously it’s at the core in why the poly is what it is. The calibre of students who attend Jordanstown is reflected on that bus and we are fucking awesome.

For those in Jordanstown Halls, you have Sam and Henry

Ah Senry. The best duo around. They may cock block you or put the end to your party but the thrill of sneaking around halls at night completely steaming with your friends is just something you are never going to experience again. The antics you get up to as a fresher is actually cringe worthy when you think about it.

Sam and Henry know the craic

We get spoon fed

Between weeks 1 to 11, lecturers often go on how “you are no longer in secondary school, you have to do the work yourself”. Then once week 12 hits, they tell you the questions which will be in your exam. Learn two essays and enjoy them Christmas nights out or sunny days in Botanic gardens. 2:1 – easy.

You don’t even have to go to class

For anyone who has a lecture at 9:15 Tuesday morning, who are you kidding, you are never going to that. If you do make it in, you are completely lit from your double vodkas and redbull from the night before – nothing is going to go in. Don’t worry though, we go to the Poly, if you aren’t doing a health course then you’re grand. No one will shout at you and you have the same chances of getting a 2.1 as the pure sucker who actually went into the class. I never went to any of my second year Research lectures, got a first in it. Now I’m just showing off.

They brought a pillow to class and they’ll still get a 2:1 

The complete crators that you come across in the library

We all have had a ridiculously encounter in the library. Either from a stranger or from the cocky guy who you pulled the night before. My own personal favourite experience has to be the time a Chinese guy started chatting me up in the library. His opening line was ‘would you like an orange’ as I glanced up and saw him standing so proudly presenting an orange to me, I kindly refused. Thinking that would be the end of the conversation, unfortunately, that was not the case. He began asking me the usual ‘where are you from?’, ‘what are you studying?’ questions. 30 minutes later he was going on about how he hears his flat mate having sex and that I should go to his sometime and he’ll make me Chinese food. After I explained that I must really get on with my work he got his friend to take a picture of me and him and then he asked for my number. I don’t even want to continue how this story ended; all I am saying though is that someone really needs to teach me how to say no.

The GAA players

Jordanstown is inundated with GAA players – but here, who’s complaining? Have you seen their physique? They have turned even the Christian girls into jersey grabbers.

Pick a side

There are so many reasons in why we love the Poly. Queen’s just can’t keep up. See you in the Holylands for Paddys.