How to properly cleanse your soul after a big Fly Monday

You’ve just woken up after a messy night out at The Fly and you feel like death. You’re having flashbacks of sticky floors and GAA tops, and you distinctly remember thinking “Oh God, I need to be more drunk to enjoy this”. Hell, maybe you haven’t even gotten to sleep yet at all. The point is, you feel like shit and all you want is for it to stop.

The mission is to make yourself feel better, why shouldn’t you roll your arse down to Maggie May’s for a greasy fry? And why shouldn’t you just say fuck it and go for the hair-of-the-dog method? Easy, because curing a hangover and detoxing are two different things.

And why do you want to detox? Because while the cup of coffee and giant fry will make you feel better for a minute but it isn’t going to wipe the sin of Fly Mondays away, a good detox will stop you feeling like shit for days.

Sleep

Sleep the pain away

That’s right. Get your arse back into bed. It’s not hard, all you have to do is roll over and shut your eyes again. (Although, if there’s someone next to you that you don’t want there, I’d advise kicking them out first).

Sleep really is one of the best ways that you can help to detox your body. Thinking about last night will only delay the healing process. When you start thinking about how you can still taste the Jaeger in your mouth or that you’re pretty sure you shifted someone in a checkered shirt and then you remember they were all wearing checkered shirts – this will only hurt you.

And look at it this way, that hangover can’t hurt you if you’re in lala land, now can it?

Go chug that green tea

Never had green tea before? Well, you might want to grit your teeth and power on through. It’s fucking disgusting but I got into it because my roommate was obsessed; and honestly, it was a great decision.

Get yourself down to Holylands Spar and buy yourself a box. Sure, you can get the plain kind but even I think that’s nasty as all hell. Go for Mango and Lychee, Cranberry or, if you’re lucky, you might even be able to find the Caramelised Apple one.

Twinings is your friend. And even if you don’t like the taste all that much, it’ll do wonders for your body. It also has the added benefit of doing wonders for helping out your metabolism. So if you’re trying to lose weight, you know where to go.

(Some studies also suggest it helps brain function and makes you smarter so. . . I’m just saying.)

Put down the alcohol and the coffee

Sorry, it may help your headache but the hair of the dog will do nothing for you in the long run. And yes, you have to put the coffee down too.

Anything that is high in caffeine is a big no if you’re trying to detox.

So put down the blessed latte and pick up a pint of water. Even if you are willing to try the green tea, water is honestly the best thing for you. Just go get yourself a huge bottle of Riverrock and keep refilling.

Alternatively, Spar stock this great detoxing drink called VIT-HIT. It’s mandarin flavoured and packed with vitamins. This is your new holy water – and it’s only 35 calories.

Let it go

Run like a bitch

I know you don’t want to, but get your arse down the the PEC or Pure Gym or even just do some laps of Ormeau Park if you have to. The best course of action for detoxing is to sweat it out.

Even if you don’t have a membership, pop down to the PEC for £4

Go for a run, get on a treadmill and make yourself sweat.

Alternatively, or as well as, you could go jump in the sauna. Any sort of sweat is good sweat for detoxing.

Even if you don’t have a gym membership, you could pop on down to the PEC during Off-Peak times for just four quid and borrow their poolside sauna. And if you never quite make it up the stairs to the gym, you’ll still be doing yourself a world of good.

Eat healthy

Sorry guys, but that means as much as you’re craving that full fry, that Boojum or some McDonald’s hash browns, don’t do it to yourself. You’re even going to have to turn down the sweets.

Avoiding the food places on Botanic altogether is best unless you want to run into everyone you horrified the night before.

Instead turn to the veggies and the fruit. Chicken is great – as I am being constantly informed by my roommate – and you can do loads with it. So make yourself up a healthy stir fry, or something. Just don’t get it wrapped in batter with a side of chips.

My roommate’s completely healthy tea! Chicken is your friend!

I know, most of the ways to detox can kinda suck, but I promise you’ll feel better for it. Even if you just grab a nice lie in, get a pint of water in you, sip at some green tea and say no to that KFC – you’ll be doing yourself a favour.

Drinking is only fun until the morning after, pls love yourself.