Meet Mike McGoldrick, the internet sensation with a Holylands survival guide

Shane Todd aka Mike McGoldrick, has exploded onto our computer, iPhone and android screens with his hilarious and original video “Mike McGoldrick’s guide to survival in the Holylands”.

A spoof on a “North Down news” special report, the video has had over 70,000 views on Facebook in just three days.

With over 11,000 likes and an insight into the best and worst of South Belfast, I got in touch with the posh comedian and he was at his pretentious best in an exclusive interview.

Performer McGoldrick calls himself “semi-retired” and says: “I don’t like doing anything for nothing. Why would I make a video for free when I have a show coming out next month for the BBC? Don’t get me wrong I’ll be there when I am needed, I’m like Batman at the end of the film were he’s like ‘alright boys leave it, if you need me shine a light my direction, you know?’” Yep, gotcha.

Walking us through a typical McGoldrick night out with the boys he says: “Getting ready is almost as important as the night out itself. Firstly I go to the gym for a pre pump, I don’t usually lift any weights or anything but I check out the skirt and show my face you know? Then it’s back to Castle McGoldrick to throw on a cucumber face mask and get the right pair of loafers to match my brown chinos.

“We would usually head round to Barry Mcguigans house and have an absolute rager of a pre sesh. The banter is flying and we often tie Barry up and beat the shit out of him for a laugh. Next we ring the taxis, we always ask what sort of car they would be driving and if they say something like a Skoda, we just say nah mate we would rather walk.

“I haven’t paid into a club since 1996 and you can quote me on that.”

Shane Todd as his posh alter ego, Mike McGoldrick

McGoldricks survival guide to the Holylands is undoubtedly very popular, particularly with Holylands residents whose vast majority enjoy his “banter”. But like all social network stars they will come under scrutiny and criticism from an angry minority. When asked if he was afraid of a backlash from Holyland natives who maybe didn’t see the funny side to his video he told us he wasn’t afraid of “A bit of argy bargy” and has been known to “put out more lights than a dodgy electrician”.

Nothing strikes fear into the heart of “cultchies” like a guy in a blazer and turtle neck sweater.

He went on to claim: “My loafers won’t touch the pavement of the Holylands ever again. I will avoid it like a Ebola no zone limit. The only way I might consider going back is if me, Barry and McElroy go for a bit of a drive through and throw Goose at the peasants for a laugh”.

I put forward the possible scenario of meeting a girl in Ollies, sharing a Goose and agreeing to go back to her place only to get in the taxi for her to reveal that she is located in Palestine Street, the very core of the Holylands. McGoldrick replies in his typical acrimonious fashion claiming: “I would ask the taxi driver to stop immediately so I could be sick. Not because of the vast amounts of Goose I consumed but at the mere mention of her location. I would then do one of two things, either kick her out of the taxi so she can walk to her vile home or simply buy the taxi off the driver and personally ban her for life. Honestly even if she was a 10/10 which she obviously would be because I pulled her, I still wouldn’t go near the place”.  After some time to ponder he says that “Actually I might just set her up with my close personal friend Rory McElroy, he plays a bit of golf you maybe heard of him. I usually toss him all the birds that I’m not interested in”.

McGoldrick also requested that we let everyone know he will be performing Live at The Mandela Hall Belfast on Wednesday 28^th October and that you can get your tickets on Ticketmaster, all details are shown at the end of his famous video.

Although his exact words were actually “Lee could you plug something for me? Now before you get excited I don’t mean manual labour, I know you’re from Cookstown and you’ll be glad of the work”.

Thanks.