So maybe you’re home for the weekend (if not, mama’s still only a phone call away), and horror or horrors, it’s Mother’s Day. But you’re clawing onto the last of your student loan by the skin of your teeth: disaster.

What’s even worse than the expense is the fact you may have forgotten about Mother’s Day altogether. There is no wrath like a mama scorned, as anyone who has ever forgotten Mother’s Day will know.

However there are certain (desperate) measures one can take to ensure that come Sunday morning you’ll have some sort of gift to show your ma that you truly appreciate her giving you life but just don’t have the means right now to prove it.

1) The”I.O.U”

These were my own childhood speciality, but could be used for the particularly cash-strapped among us. It’s doubtful your mum will appreciate a “One free hug” token at this stage,but possibly try a “I.O.U a home-cooked meal” type scenario. Or if you’re thankfully far from home this weekend, “I.O.U a phonecall more – I’ll try to make time in my busy schedule of drinking responsibly and studying everyday from 9am”.

Obviously keep your fingers crossed she eventually forgets about this and you won’t have to desperately try to cook something which meets her high standards.

2) Flowers and chocolates from a garage

You really are pushing your luck, this woman lugged you around for nine months for gods sake. Still, it’s the thought that counts I suppose…Just make sure you remember to remove the “£1.99!” sticker and try to get a box of chocolates that aren’t too obviously from the bargain bin.

The cream of the crop found at Centra

3) Recycle

That old bath set you got two years ago for Christmas? Now the time for it to shine. Tie a nice ribbon around the box and voila, the gift of pampering for your mum. Equally applicable to old pajamas, slippers, jewelry.

Admittedly, those who have the luxury of visiting home on the weekends have the upper hand here – you might be able to afford that recycled gift, but postage and packaging is like so expensive, Mummy.

Obviously if you’re a boy this is going to be tricky- but then maybe your mum really loves the smell of Lynx Africa?

What woman doesn’t love travel-sized products stolen from hotels?

4) A selfie

If you’re not going to be with dear old mama this Sunday, you could get away with just sending her a nice picture of your smiling bake and promise that you’ll have a gift for her when you next visit. While this is an advantage now, remember to actually deliver on said gift,otherwise that visit home’s going to be an awkward one.

Try not to look so sinister. p.s sweet National Geographic jacket pal.

5) Cry to your daddy

When all else fails there is one man who can help. An urgent text and a prayer and maybe he’ll come to your rescue with some decent flowers and a card that isn’t a homemade mess. The one downside of this is you’re going to be in his debt… until Father’s Day when you can easily make it up to him with some socks or a tie.

Of course, this depends on your dad being not being a total douche.

*Not to be taken seriously you cheap bastards