All the songs on Katy Perry’s disaster new album 143, ranked from bad to even worse

Ahh, 143. A terrible album we knew would be terrible from that fateful day Katy Perry posted the first Woman’s World snippet on TikTok. When the world was perched for a Katy Perry comeback – a juicy taste of the glory days – we were smacked with a song that someone TikTok described as “something I’d make up in 10 seconds to sing to my cat”. From there, it has been a steady decent into the kind of disaster sitcom writers dream of – most hilariously being a legal dispute after Perry got branded the destroyer of the dunes of S’Espalmador. But now the 143 album is here – did Katy Perry fumble the bag as hard as we braced ourselves for? Yes. She did. Here’s all the songs from Katy Perry 143, ranked from bad to abysmal.

11. Lifetimes

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Lifetimes is like eating a big, fat meal from McDonald’s. You know it’s shit and does you no good, but it still hits a certain spot. Is it a good song? No. Am I quite happy to hear it in the gym? Yes.

10. Nirvana

Despite allegations it rips off a certain Netflix film about a certain European song contest, Nirvana is not the biggest crime on the crime ridden 143. It’s campy, Katy sounds impassioned vocally and it all is pulled off with a bit of gusto. Chorus with good vocals and a danceable beat. Fair play.

9. Gorgeous

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Kim Petras arrives here, and the two both declare “KP” at the start of the track. It literally sounds the absolute spit of Kim Petras’ number one hit with Sam Smith, Unholy. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say her verse was copied and pasted. Some quite fun motorbike revs in the production keep it ranked in the less terrible region of 143 by Katy Perry.

8. Artificial 

JID arrives on Artificial and gives one of the better of 143’s many, many, many features. Katy Perry feels distant across this record and it’s one of its biggest flaws, but Artificial brings Dark Horse-esque drama, and back to back with Nirvana it’s a decent attempt at a good song. But still is not a good song.

7. Crush

A very vacuous and hollow dance bop that takes is right to Eurotrash central. If you heard this anywhere else other than a spin class you’d be furious. Makes the music of Becky Hill sound of Fiona Apple quality.

6. All The Love

I have heard this song maybe five times now and if you asked me to hum it at gun point, and if I fail to get a crumb of resemblance to the melody I am executed, I would die. For this, I cannot give any merit to this sickly ode to who I must assume is Perry beau Orlando Bloom.

5. Truth

Top five worst ranked songs on 143 by Katy Perry is here getting kicked off by Truth. The laziest drum beat you have ever heard lurks on this track on the tail end of 143. Never has anything sounded more phoned in. Has a sound similar to the much maligned Witness, but Witness sounds Teenage Dream level when stood next to this utter drivel.

4. I’m His He’s Mine

As a single that follows up Woman’s World, I’m unsure what this track name or message really means in the major vibe clash – but, okay. I don’t think Katy Perry knows either. Doechii is here! We love Doechii – one of the biggest talents in the industry right now and Katy Perry is honestly lucky to have her on board. And yet even she can’t save this song from being shite – a lazy and can’t be arsed sampling of Gypsy Woman. You’ve heard it all before.

3. Woman’s World

The womp womp podium placements of the ranked 143 Katy Perry songs time now, and the bronze medal of garbage goes to Woman’s World – the hideous lead single that started this era’s cascade into oblivion. It is still as bad as it was when you first heard it, and the only reason it’s not at the bottom is because Katy Perry outdid herself and made two even worse tracks! The only thing that saves Woman’s World from being the worst song ever is that melodically, it is quite good. It’s the lyrical content and the man behind the decks that squanders it. A mess. She didn’t even perform it in her VMAs medley. For shame.

2. Wonder

I’ve seen a lot of publications acclaim Wonder as the best song on 143. They must be hard of hearing, because this is horrid. Truly horrid. I know it’s of sentimental value to Katy Perry and is about her daughter. I do not wish to be too savage on the vocal performance, but the childlike vocal added in here is horrific. I’ve seen conflicting reports of it being Daisy, other comments about it being a child from Norway. To me, it sounds like M3gan or Chucky grabbed the mic for a few moments before Katy wangles it back. Just very naff. Bewildered by most critics hailing it the best track on the record.

1. Gimme Gimme

21 Savage adlibs “twennywon” in this song more times than I have eaten hot dinners. It is incessant. He matches Katy Perry on the shite scale on what is far and away the worst ranked song on 143 – and I say that with no regret. It kind of reminds kms of Bon Appetit from Witness, if Bon Appetit was horrendous. Katy’s lyrics have never been worse and the tired trap beat is the most nothingness dross she’s ever put her name to. Avoid.

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