The 10 least essential things on the Urban Outfitters uni ‘essentials’ list 2024

If you lack a personality so feel the need to overcompensate by filling your room with stuff that screams “pick me!” and “#notlikeothergirls”, then fear not! Urban Outfitters has made a Uni Essentials List for 2024.

Not all of it is a total waste of space. They so have an extensive selection of pretty duvet covers. Some of the drinking card games would make a convenient birthday present for a new flatmate you don’t know and don’t really care about. But there’s definitely a lot of stuff that’s too weird, expensive or downright unessential for any self-respecting student.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the tat to take with you, don’t forget to print out the Urban Outfitters Student Hub’s official Uni Checklist! It’s got all the practical essentials a pick-me could possibly need, including tapestries, pleated kilts and incorrectly spelt “incence”.

So, without delay, here are the ten least essential things on the Urban Outfitters Uni Essentials list in 2024.

Mr Maria Miffy XL Lamp, £169.00

I feel like it’s watching me and I’m scared
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

Picture this. It’s 3am. A strange crash awakens you from your slumber. Is it your flatmate returning from a kebab truck? The arrival of our alien overlords? Half-dazed, you roll over and reach for the light. A giant rabbit, roughly the size of a two-year-old toddler, towers over your bed. It glows. You decide you’d rather shut your eyes and wait to be abducted into outer space than look at it for a second longer.

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This rabbit lamp is available in multiple sizes, for those of you who do not have a spare £169.00 to spend on one (which I’m assuming is most people?). The XL Lamp is 80cm tall – the same height as a Great Dane dog. I dread to think how many batteries you’d burn through,

Hello Kitty Single Use Camera, £25.00

I would have wanted it so bad… when I was five
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

Maybe I’ve missed something here, and Hello Kitty is now a super trendy fashion statement, and not a drawing on toddlers’ t-shirts that they don’t know the context of? I kind of doubt it, though. This camera has enough film for 27 photos, which works out as 93 pence per picture. You’d better make sure nobody is blinking.

Polaroids may look vibey on your pinboard for a week, but once you lose them or fall out with the friends in them, you’ll be wondering why you wasted so much money on them. (Assuming anyone wants to be friends with you if you turn up to pres with a Hello Kitty camera, that is.)

Pioneer DJ PLX-500 Direct Drive Turntable, £349.00

Think I’ll stick to Spotify, thanks
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

Hey, I’m sure it’s a very nice DJ turntable nightclub controller thingamajic (I’m afraid I don’t leave my house enough to know the technical term for these). I’m just questioning why it’s essential for students to bring one to uni. Surely if you’re going out somewhere, the venue already has one, and if you’re staying in, there’s not enough space in your uni room for multiple pizza boxes, let alone one of these?

Someone show me the uni accommodation with enough space to start your own nightclub, and enough soundproofing that you won’t be fined your life savings for it.

You’re OK Velvet Cushion, £35.00

Can you even wash it?
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

I stand by my opinion that cushions are one of the least essential things on uni essentials lists. Bedrooms in uni halls are basically glorified cupboards, with no sofa you can put a cushion on. Whether you prop it up on your desk chair or your bed, it’ll just end up living on the floor for the rest of the year where someone will trample on it. One drunken step in high heels and you’ll have fluffy carnage on your carpet.

Now, I know that the while “YOU’RE OK” bit is supposed to be life-affirming inspiration or whatever. But personally, I expect higher levels of praise from my home decor. “YOU’RE OK”? Thanks so much for labelling me as mediocre, silly blue cushion. If the cushion said “You are God’s gift to humanity and you write absolutely hilarious The Tab articles which people should definitely all send to their friends to help your readership stats”, then I might consider purchasing.

Leopard Print Platform Boot Mug, £15.00

Maybe you could put flowers in it instead?
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

This is the most stupidly-shaped mug I’ve ever seen, and I’m including the cup I made in my Year 2 art lesson in that. How would you fish the teabag out if it got stuck in the toes? How would you get all the crevices clean if your hot chocolate settled into congealed gunge? How would you live with the shame of knowing you spent £15.00 on it?

Taylor Swift Crochet Kit, £17.99

You’d have to be a Fearless Mastermind to try crocheting The Smallest Taylor Who Ever Lived.
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

If you’ve fallen into a state of depression after attending The Eras Tour and realising you shall never experience such euphoria again, fear not! Now you can crochet your own creepy-looking Taylor Swift to cuddle as you cry over how there’s still no Reputation (Taylor’s Version).

The back of the box promises that you crochet “one of her iconic concert outfits”. I believe that the dress is supposed to be a recreation of one of the four outfits she rotates between to sing the two surprise songs in The Eras Tour. It’s so sad that I know that.

Monchhichi Bearchichi Keyring, £16.00

This is the stuff that nightmares are made from
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

This may be the fugliest thing I’ve ever seen. Not just on the Urban Outfitters Uni Essentials 2024 list, but in my life. Including my friend’s ex-boyfriend and the decapitated pigeon I saw on the way to work. Is it supposed to be a bear shaved to look like a baby, or a baby stuffed inside the corpse of a bear? This belongs in a low-budget Doctor Who episode, not your handbag.

Pink Bow Boo Cushion, £45.00

Girl, it’s so confusing
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

I have stared at this for a solid three minutes now. I am still none the wiser as to what it is, what was wrong with the person who designed it, or what would possess anyone to waste £45.00 on it. It kind of looks like someone poisoned a polar bear, chainsawed its bum off, stuffed it with polyester and then painted a pink bow over its private parts.

Cat Peakaboo Drawer Knob, £6.00

Better remember to pack your screwdriver!
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But if you rip the handles out the drawers in your uni kitchen and screw these cats onto the cupboards instead, the odds are you will a) get a hefty fine b) get a curse put on you by your flatmates who also have to pay that hefty fine. I also wouldn’t trust my DIY skills enough to secure the handle so that it wouldn’t fly off the first time I needed to grab chocolate in an emergency.

Hetty Hoover Exclusive Mini Vacuum Cleaner, £18.00

Do they also sell mini mops if you spill tea on your desk?
(Image via Urban Outfitters)

My initial thoughts were “nawww so cute” and “could I put a cocktail umbrella on its head so it has a hat?” However, I don’t know what you’d actually have to hoover up that’s so small. Toast crumbs? Powder that flew onto everything but your face? In which case, wouldn’t you just wipe up the mess and put it in the bin, instead of getting your miniature hoover out a drawer, checking it has batteries (not included), sucking the stuff up, emptying the hoover into the bin, and cleaning out the hoover to prevent unknowing biological substances developing on all the crumbs left in the tube? It’s a no from me.

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Feature image credit: Rachel Evans