Every contestant on Tempting Fortune, ranked by how evil they truly are

If you didn’t spend your Easter Bank Holiday binging Tempting Fortune, then you missed the true meaning of the holiday I fear. It’s honestly what Jesus would have loved you to be doing – watching 12 people stomp through South Africa and be tempted by diners, hotels, silent discos and, as Paul Breach would say… hot choccy woccys. What erupted was one of the most rigidly divided casts of reality TV I’ve seen in a long time – with two polar opposite perspectives of how people should conduct themselves on such a show. This revealed quite quickly who was villainous – so if course I have to step up to the plate and get all 12 of the cast of Tempting Fortune season one ranked by how pure evil they really are! Least at 12, most at one.

12. Carolynne

Affectionately dubbed Nana by the cast of Tempting Fortune, I’m getting Carolynne ranked least evil because she had the best perspective on everything. She wasn’t being provocative for the sake of it – had an amazing experience and stayed true to the temptations that would genuinely enrich her. She stood up for what was right, and she put a bloody good shift in at her age without moaning and I want to be her mate. End of.

11. Dan

Some might cry out the fact that Dan is a friend of mine who currently lives in my old London bedroom makes this ranking of him being one of the least evil a bias decision, but to that I say it actually qualifies me to confirm with my full chest that Dan Egg is a lovely person who did himself proud on this show. Dan Egg is a good egg, if you will.

10. Trewley-Precious

If you think I’m going to rank anyone with a name as camp as Trewley-Precious as anything less than angelic, I’m afraid you do not know me at all. Bit of a queen. Deserved to indulge in more temptations.

9. Jack

When he finally got to have the hallowed poo, the world rejoiced.

8. Charlie

Charlie is one of the lost souls of Tempting Fortune, and of all the cast I think he’s ranked as less evil than you’d expect because he was corrupted by bad vibes, toxic masculinity and bizarre stubborn pride which prevented him from having a carefree and fun experience. By the end, he saw the light – but I just wish he could have enjoyed it all earlier.

7. Ash

Not to be savage, but she was just sort of… there.

6. Dee

Obsessed with the evil trajectory of being so anti-the initial milkshake spending to becoming the one who spent and ultimately took home the least.

5. Luke

Face like a slapped arse for 18 days and not a single temptation… Okay! But he isn’t a hypocrite, so we do applaud that.

4. Michelle

Admittedly, Michelle splurging to kingdom come up until the money became her own was a liccle bit evil. An evil I’d wish to indulge in though, she’s still mother in those red shades.

3. Tahira

Just a bleak 18 days spent moaning or saying nothing. Literally what is the point? Very principled but at what cost?

2. Lani

Let it be known that whilst I think Lani is evil, I think she’s the most heroic kind of anti-hero evil imaginable. Her evil made this show great – enjoying the dark side and finding the joy in doing things for yourself. To the pious in the cast, she was the devil incarnate – a machiavellian lurer to temptation who must be stopped. But what Lani actually did was show people how to have a good time, whilst moaning all the way. Very iconic. The same kind of evil as a high camp Drag Race villainess. Love her.

1. James

On the other hand, James represents the misery. A self-declared leader who barks orders and storms ahead but doesn’t help around the camp, whose command of peer pressure left people feeling like they couldn’t do anything without incurring his wrath. If he had his way, no one would have spent a penny. He spent 18 days absolutely livid, nary a smile in sight – and for all his holier than thou perspective still cost the group three grand because he stole a piggin’ tea bag – hypocrisy beyond belief.

James ‘won’ Tempting Fortune, but all that separated his top winnings from the Dee who won the least was less than the cost of the tea bag he robbed – a fitting end and a justice for the people who had a great time, took some temptations and didn’t sulk for 18 days.

See you for season two?

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