21 red flags about Edward Cullen that should’ve made Bella think RUN
You better hold on tight spider monkey, because it’s time for some cold hard truth
Okay so I’m just gonna come out and say it: Edward Cullen is not a good boyfriend. Don’t let your 14-year-old selves jump out and attack me, because deep within your bones you know it’s true. R Patz may be sexy, but no amount of sexy can cover up the glaringly obvious problems in Edward’s character.
When I was younger I was obvs Team Edward, but the time has come to finally admit that he has red flags popping up left, right and centre – I mean, come on, he is quite literally over 100 years old, and tells Bella in no uncertain terms that he has killed multiple people.
Here are all the red flags about Edward Cullen in Twilight, in chronological order as they happen in the film – and every single one of them should’ve had Bella running for the hills:
Red flag numero uno: The first time Edward and Bella ever meet he is SO rude
Bella walks into class, Edward stares intensely and violently grabs his nose. He just sits there looking pained and not talking and doesn’t even try to hide the fact it’s about Bella – she genuinely has to sniff herself to see if she smells bad, the poor girl.
Then Edward tries to change class so he doesn’t have to be with her, and when the office woman says he can’t, he says he’ll then just have to “endure it”. Bella, listen to me: No one should ever say they simply “endure” you, whether they’re your mate or a man – just get rid of them.
2. He straight up just doesn’t come to school for ages because – what? She smells too good? What does that even mean?
I know Bella doesn’t know this at the time, but it’s still a bloody weird excuse.
3.Then when Edward and Bella finally DO talk, he just pretends like none of that ever happened
He says: “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself last week”. UMMM. Edward, come on now. That’s not quite true is it, hun? You had an entire lesson last week in which to introduce yourself, probably a whole hour full to the brim with golden opportunity for making conversation. And what did you do? Nothing but hold your nose and make Bella wish she had some gum and/or deodorant at hand.
He says he was “out of town for personal reasons” – Bella, honey, he’s not being sexy and mysterious. He’s just rude.
4. He mansplains biology to her
They’re both looking at slides under a microscope, and he insists on double-checking Bella’s answers – even when it turns out she was right.
5. Edward goes straight from talking about the weather to asking really personal questions
Both of these are shit conversations, but it’s very jarring when they just segue into each other. He also asks Bella deep questions about her personal life when this is literally the first time they’ve ever spoken, which is just a bit weird really isn’t it?
Then Bella asks him ONE question he doesn’t like (why his eyes have changed colour, which honestly is a very fair observation and also means she’s interested in him), and he just storms off. Lovely.
6. They’ve had one conversation and he’s staring at Bella super intensely
He’s just watching her from across the school’s parking lot, like some kind of serial killer. Yes, this means he sees when a car is about to drive into Bella and is able to save her, but it’s still way too intense.
7. After saving Bella’s life, he just runs away
Edward pushes the skidding car away from Bella, obviously saving her, but then just … leaves? He doesn’t ask if she’s okay, just hops over the car’s trunk and disappears. Correct me if I’m the weirdo here, but I’d at least like some comfort after almost DYING.
8. And then Edward straight-up gaslights her
After running across the parking lot and saving Bella from the car, Edward tries to convince her he was standing next to her the whole time. Bella says she knows he wasn’t, and he tells her she’s hit her head and is “confused”. Um, no she’s not, thank you VERY much Edward. It’s like a scene from Love Island, and I’m not here for it.
9. They’ve now had two conversations and he watches Bella sleep
Okay so they might have spoken more than the film shows, but they’ve had one silent biology lesson, one mansplaining biology lesson, and one chat where all Edward did was gaslight Bella. And now he’s climbing in through her window and watching her sleep? Not cool.
I will forgive Bella for this one (for now), because she’s asleep and obviously unaware – she sees him and thinks it’s a dream, because honestly no normal and sane person would expect their random classmate to be standing in the corner of their bedroom all night, watching them sleep.
10. Edward listens in on her private conversations
This is just creepy – she mentions something to Mike, and then Edward’s obviously been using his vampire super-powers to spy on her because he asks her a question about it later.
11. Edward repeatedly says he and Bella ‘shouldn’t be friends’, and calls himself ‘the bad guy’
I don’t even know if these even count as red flags because Bella, baby, he’s really just spelling it out for you at this point.
12. He stalks her
Yes, this means he saves her from a rank group of guys about to do god knows what – but the only reason he is able to do this is because! He! Stalked! Her! Edward then tells Bella it’s because he feels “really protective” of her, and that he wasn’t going to do anything “unless you needed my help” – but it’s still a massive invasion of Bella’s privacy, and (you guessed it) a big ol’ red flag.
13. He is a paedophile
In Twilight, Bella is 17. Edward was born in 1901, and is therefore very much not 17. Bella finds this out and is seemingly cool with it.
14. He is a murderer
Edward calls himself a “killer” and “predator”, quite literally telling Bella he has killed people before and wants to kill her. I think if none of the rest of these were enough for you to see sense, you’d think finding out the boy you liked was a 100-year-old murderer would be enough of a red flag – but apparently not for Bella.
15. He calls himself a ‘lion’
This just makes my skin crawl. If someone said this to me I think I’d immediately be sick on them.
16. Edward tells Bella not to trust him
Again – if someone tells you not to trust them (especially someone who has just told you they are a MURDERER), you should run far, far away.
17. He takes her to meet his family and they haven’t even kissed yet
They’ve been on not a single date (unless you count a walk in the rain, which I do not) and haven’t kissed and he’s taking her to his actual house to meet his entire family? Okay so I know Bella’s 17, and Edward is a 100-year-old virgin who clearly has some issues, but if someone I had never so much as shagged tried to make me meet their parents, I would drop them as fast as you can say “vampire”.
18. He purposely tries to scare her
Even after he tells Bella not to trust him, she tells Edward she’s not scared of him. Then he laughs and says “you shouldn’t have said that”, and purposely tries to scare her by jumping out of the window with her and scaling a tree. Why would anyone do that?
19. He just climbs into her room without even asking
Bella’s on the phone to her mum having a private conversation, and Edward just jumps in through the window – with no warning, and without asking or knocking. Another instance of Edward doing his fave thing (invading Bella’s privacy).
20. Edward TELLS Bella he’s been watching her sleep
I forgave Bella for this red flag before, against my better judgement – but then Edward straight-up tells her he’s been watching her sleep “for the last couple months” and says he finds watching her sleep “fascinating”. He doesn’t even apologise or act as if it isn’t fucking weird. Bella, honey! What are you doing?! A self-confessed serial killer has just told you he likes watching you sleep, and you just accept it????
21. And finally: None of these things are red flags, but each and every one of them should have given Bella the ick and thus they deserve to be said
Exhibit A – Edward bouncing the apple off his foot and then giving it to her:
Exhibit B – that really weird moment when they’re in the forest and Edward starts yelling about how he’s stronger than Bella (“You think you could fight me off?!!”) and then for some reason he grabs an entire tree and throws it.
Exhibit C – these sunglasses:
Exhibit D – every single thing about the line “you better hold on tight, spider monkey”. I do not need to elaborate.