Right, here’s every Russell Group uni as a UK festival based only on vibes – no offence Durham

Festival season is just kicking off, which means a long summer of serious Instagram Stories, outfit moodboarding, and asking to borrow £2 for a drink at a festival you paid £400 to get a ticket for.

In honour of this historic tradition, I’ve decided to figure out exactly which UK festival every Russell Group university would be if higher education was one long, muddy weekend. 

Now, if universities were festivals, some of the Russell Group would be headlining the Pyramid Stage, while others would be desperately trying to convince everyone they’re the hidden gem of the summer. 

Certain matches were obvious. Bristol was never going to be anything other than Glastonbury, and Durham’s festival equivalent was always going to involve a suspicious number of people wearing gilets. Others required a bit more thought, and a lot more stereotyping. 

So, using a highly scientific methodology based on student stereotypes, campus personalities and pure vibes, here’s what every Russell Group university would be if it spent a weekend in a field listening to live music. 

University of Bristol – Glastonbury 

via Unsplash

This is the easiest one. Bristol students spend 51 weeks of the year telling everyone how much they love independent coffee shops, sustainability and live music, then spend the other week actually at Glastonbury. The festival is effortlessly cool, vaguely hippie and somehow attracts both trust fund kids and people who genuinely live off-grid. Sound familiar? 

Also, bonus points if they call it “Glasto”.

Durham University – Henley Festival 

Technically not the coolest festival on the list, but the people attending don’t care because they’re too busy wearing chinos and discussing rowing. According to the Times Good University Guide, 37.68 per cent of Durham students went to private schools, making Durham the most private school Russell Group Uni. 

So, Henley is kind of perfect. Very expensive, very traditional and full of people who say “Mummy and Daddy” without irony. 

University of Exeter – Boardmasters

Half the student population appears to own a surfboard despite rarely surfing. Exeter students would absolutely choose a festival where they can spend the morning at the beach and the evening pretending they’re outdoorsy.

University of Leeds – Reading and Leeds Festival 

A little chaotic, a little feral and somehow survives every year despite the complete lack of self-preservation from the people attending. The unofficial capital of “one more drink won’t hurt”. 

Newcastle University – Radio 1’s Big Weekend 

Nobody is having more fun than Newcastle students, and nobody cares less about getting home before sunrise. Loud, messy and built entirely around good vibes. 

The crowds are huge, everyone somehow knows everyone, and by the end of the weekend you’ll have at least three stories you can’t tell your parents. Is it the most niche or alternative option? Absolutely not. Does anyone care? Also absolutely not.

University of Edinburgh – Boomtown

A bit alternative, a bit theatrical and somehow full of people who look cool without appearing to try. Nobody fully understands what’s going on, but everyone insists it’s life-changing. 

University of Nottingham – Wireless 

Popular, mainstream and packed with people who take Instagram stories a little too seriously. 

University of Manchester – Parklife

Arguably, Manchester should be Parklife because the festival and the university share the exact same personality: Cool without trying, slightly chaotic, and convinced they’re the cultural centre of the country. 

University of Warwick – All Points East 

People don’t attend because it’s the most exciting festival. They attend because they’ve made a spreadsheet proving it’s the most efficient choice. Who are we to judge – if it works, it works. 

King’s College London – BST Hyde Park 

Not technically a festival in the traditional sense, but neither is King’s technically a campus university. Full of people who spend more time on the Tube than in lectures. 

University College London – Field Day 

Most Read

Oliver Tree shared heartbreaking details of his money and will just weeks before his tragic death

‘I don’t remember’: Brazil bungee staff speak for first time as woman dies in horror jump

I was at Bonnie Blue’s g*lden shower event – here’s the gross lowdown of what happened

Trendy. East London-coded. Full of people who discovered a niche DJ six months before everyone else, and can’t help letting you know about it. 

London School of Economics – Tomorrowland 

via Unsplash

Everything is optimised. Nobody is here accidentally. Even the fun feels strategically planned for LinkedIn. 

Wait, did you just see that guy waving a large print out of his LinkedIn QR code in the pit? 

University of Cambridge – Latitude 

People insist it’s quirky and alternative despite the ticket prices suggesting sell out. Full of book lovers, intellectuals and people who own far too many tote bags. 

University of Oxford – Glyndebourne Festival 

Not technically a music festival in the way everyone else is thinking. Oxford doesn’t care. Oxford makes its own rules. 

Queen’s University Belfast – Belsonic

Massively underrated by people outside the region. Everyone who’s actually been there will tell you it’s one of the best experiences you’ll have. When in Rome, I suppose. 

Cardiff University – Truck Festival

Friendly, affordable and consistently underrated, or at least that’s what Cardiff students usually say. Truck has exactly that energy: everyone who’s been loves it, everyone who hasn’t doesn’t quite get the hype.

University of Sheffield – Tramlines 

The entire city gets involved. Strong music scene. No one leaves without becoming slightly obsessed. 

University of York – Green Man 

Quietly excellent. The people who love it really love it. 

University of Southampton – Victorious Festival 

Near the sea, surprisingly fun and often overlooked when people discuss the biggest names. 

Imperial College London – Download 

Everyone has a specific interest and knows far too much about it. Social skills may vary. 

Queen Mary University of London – Mighty Hoopla 

Massively fun, hugely diverse and criminally underrated by people who’ve never experienced it. The people who love Queen Mary will spend hours telling you why it’s one of London’s best universities, which is exactly how Mighty Hoopla fans talk about it.

University of Liverpool – Creamfields 

A completely predictable choice, but some stereotypes exist for a reason. Liverpool students don’t need to tell you they’re cool because they’ve already decided they are.

Like Creamfields, it’s loud, confident and completely unbothered by whether the rest of the country approves. The vibes are immaculate and everyone knows it.

University of Birmingham – Isle of Wight Festival 

Massive, friendly and appeals to pretty much everyone. It might not generate the same hype as some of the trendier options, but you’ll struggle to find anyone who had a bad time.

University of Glasgow – TRNSMT 

The kind of place where every night out accidentally becomes a story you’ll still be telling in five years. It’s almost too perfect. 

You don’t have to agree. But, if Bristol isn’t Glastonbury and Warwick isn’t a festival chosen via spreadsheet, then frankly the vibes-based methodology has failed.