Five people you come across in the Birmingham University library this exam season

From the one who opens bags of crisps in the silent zone to the first years yapping on the third floor, there are multiple personalities at the University of Birmingham library. Whether the personalities are good or bad is up to your judgement. Here are the five people you are bound to meet at the library by summer exam season!

The fresher that has no clue where anything is

This was everyone once upon a time! Which floor contains the books on neo-classicism? Where is the section on dark romanticism? Why are the language and literature books mixed together on the shelves—exactly how many students need to grab a dictionary and a novel at the same time to justify this? Finally, that fourth floor is one place I’ve never been; seriously what is the point in it? Some of these answers will be revealed the longer you spend there, and some you never know.

A student drowning in books… and tears

Somewhere on the second or third floor, tucked into a study room, you will find this person. Did they see their plagiarism score? Is there no relevant critical source for whatever academic niche they want to fill the gap for?

Whatever the reason is, they’ve got their head in their hands, at least two open books and a laptop by their side, and the most mournful aura radiating from them like it’s contagious. It doesn’t matter how many times you say as a fresher you will never be that person, you will be by third year.

Monster drink addicts

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The deadlines approaching in single-digit minutes and their fingers are going to break from an unsustainable speed of typing.  You may wonder how their laptop hasn’t broken, because God knows I have. They haven’t slept in too long, their eyes are uncontrollably red and watery, and they’re trying to fit a semester’s worth of work into one night. This is the person that you want to hiss at so they quiet down, but they’re the perfect embodiment of exam-era misery.

The loud ill person

Listen, it’s England, it’s cold half the time. I was raised somewhere far warmer before coming here for university, and I definitely feel the temperature difference. My own nose is a tap, and you don’t want to look down my throat. But for the love of god, tissues exist.

There’s a reason I stockpile them. If you need one, please ask someone around you because there is no way no one else has any on hand. And then blow your nose and throw the dirty tissue into the bin like a proper, respectful human being. Please stop sniffling and getting your mucus on books that are older than you are.

People who should pay rent to the library

Approaching is a bad idea, because not only do they not want you to, they also probably haven’t showered in days. Considering it’s most likely cram time when this person materialises, they look pretty comfortable: blankets, pillows, snacks, chargers and sweatpants galore. Now if only they’d stop sitting near the plugs so everyone else could use them.