We asked students for their worst housemate stories: These are the most traumatic replies
Have some decorum people…
Dodgy flatmates – everybody’s had them. Whether you’re faced with a classic recluse or something a little scarier, it can get in the way of that perfect uni life. Sometimes, as hard as you try, it’s impossible to overlook the mysterious stains and passive aggressive notes which take over the house.
We wanted to know your most traumatic flatmate stories – and from bodily fluids in the kitchen to regrettable first term flatcest, you did not disappoint…
1. ‘Our flatmates friend pissed in the kettle and didn’t tell us for months’
I have no words. Did anyone drink it?? Bear Grylls was found trembling.
2. ‘Flatmate shat in the kitchen sink in Park View’
You would be surprised how many kitchen sinks were violated in the responses. Just something to think about next time you’re mixing your vodka squash at an unfamiliar pres x.
3. ‘We walked in on my flatmate plucking a dead pheasant on our kitchen table’
Let me guess: Did this flatmate also happen to be wearing a Ralph Lauren quarter zip and bragging about Daddy’s money? And did your accommodation rhyme with Hassle Teases?
4. ‘Threw bottles at multiple flatmates heads and refused to clear up the glass afterwards’
There’s nothing like the threat of violence to motivate you to clean the kitchen! But seriously, if you’re gonna scrap your flatmates, at least clean up the mess before room inspections.
5. ‘Kicked a hole in our bin because England lost a game’
Football didn’t come home; in your dreams, neither did this guy.
6. ‘Left notes around the flat asking us to clean and made a bin rota using our room numbers because he didn’t know our names.’
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Ahhh, the classic hermit. Getting them to come on a night out is harder than avoiding freshers in Market Shaker yet they feel comfortable divvying out jobs on Post-its. We feel for you, room three.
7. ‘Shagged my flatmate’s cousin when he visited’
The sentence for this crime is a year of uncomfortable silence and feeling awkward in your own kitchen. Although, at least it’s not technically flatcest…?
8. ‘Tried to help my flatmate find an app and opened his Safari only to find he’d been watching weird porn’
How weird are we talking? At least you can laugh about it now… if you’re lucky.
9. ‘My flatmate and his friends pissed in a bucket, spilled it, and refused to clean it up’
I’ve heard about some weird society initiations in my time and this one SCREAMS rugby boys. Communally pissing into a bucket then heading to Soho to whip your shirt around to Take Me Home, Country Roads and lifting girls up the Floho pole – what a thrilling Wednesday x.
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