Clubbers of the week: Freshers’ Edition
Chaos returns to York
Callum McCullochA new term is upon us and we’ve all returned to impossibly packed out clubs, and us third years have realized we are now utterly irrelevant. But as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, every year a new group of innocent freshers descend on this fine city and make absolute tits of themselves.
Many freshers’ week veterans were also keen not to miss out on the fun showing you don’t have to be 18 to get embarrassingly loose.
Hotties of the week
Freshers’ week is for terrible fancy dress, but we’ll let you off
Runners Up
Undisputed best dressed of the week
Hat’s off to these lads
Creep of the week
Those come to bed eyes
Hero of the week
This is so #uni
Best fingering technique of the week
Satisfaction guaranteed
Worst fingering technique of the week
Not sure that’s how it’s done
Mystery floating arm of the week
I have so many questions
Inappropriate shirt unbuttoning
You’re not Peter Andre mate
Most unnecessary jewelry
Straight off ASOS Marketplace
“Mum, but you told me to call you during freshers”
There will be a lot of explaining tomorrow
Intervention of the week
“Pete, you need to stop dabbing”
Quagmire lookalike of the week
Giggity
Illuminating fart of the week
Classic smelly Langwith
Here’s someone who has just won and then wasted a lifetime supply of glitter
He’ll be finding glitter everywhere for weeks
Most serious allergic reaction to females of the week
I hope he brought his epipen
Over-eager marriage proposal of the week
“Not with that hair Stephen”
*She’s touching my willy, but stay calm*
No one will know
VK promoter of the week
“Excuse me, certified legend coming through”
Indoor sunburn of the week
He really should have used factor 50
And here’s a photo not to show your Mum
Probably best to de-tag this one
York PhD student’s research into ‘trans archeology’ called a ‘scam’ by conservative MP
Sarika PatelTory MP Nick Fletcher has called for a review of how taxpayer funds are used for higher education
York University staff and students campaign for donations for former student trapped in Gaza
The campaign has encouraged 200 more GoFundMe donations for Fadi Hania
Meet the new team of Students’ Union Sabbatical Officers at the University of York
Claudia ThomsonHere are York’s officers for 2024-25
Indie Tuesday vs Tuesday Indie: An in-depth analysis of York indie student nights
Heidi WilsonMeet York’s answer to Blur vs Oasis
Man in York arrested at gunpoint for possession of class A drug and making ‘threats to kill’
A 32-year-old man was arrested on Wellington Street and later released on conditional bail
University of York apologises for using controversial symbol on World Autism Awareness Day
The Tweet using the controversial puzzle symbol has since been deleted
University of York accused of censoring student’s Hong Kong protest during graduation
The graduation livestream cut footage of a 27-year-old student who crossed the stage presenting a pro-Hong Kong flag
University of York announces implementation of latest Real Living Wage rate to staff
Staff in grade one will receive a wage increase of 0.004 pence per hour
YUSU The Lounge to be renamed ‘Long Boi’s Lounge’ with Greg James hosting official opening
Jess RolfeLong Boi’s Lounge will open exactly one year on from the famous duck’s tragic passing
The official best places to hide an Easter egg on the University of York campus
Jemma LittleWant to see your friends struggle? Bury one in an abandoned sack of circuit laundry
Here are all the best places to romanticise spring as a student in York
Rebecca HarrisonYou can thank me later for these hidden gems, preferably with hot cross bun flavoured tea
Here’s a definitive guide to the best places to have pres as a York student
Belle DurnfordBecause York nightlife is definitely not ‘dead’
‘Armistice now’: Pro-Palestine protestors gathered in York calling for ceasefire in Gaza
Tamara BakerStudents and staff from the University of York marched from St Helen’s Square on Saturday 16th March
Police appeal for new information on disappearance of Uni of York chef Claudia Lawrence
Claudia went missing 15 years ago after she failed to arrive for work in 2009
University of York reports 4.2 per cent decrease in mean gender pay gap from 2022 to 2023
The university is targeting its gender and ethnicity pay gap, alongside implementing the latest Real Living Wage rate in January 2023
E-Scooter operator TIER ends its contract in York after three and a half years
The contract will end on May 31st TIER is in negotiations with other operators
Here’s what each song on Ariana Grande’s new album would be like on a night out in York
We can’t be friends is SO sobbing in the Salvos smoking area
Criminally Good Books: The newest independent bookstore opens in York
Read on if it’s been a sec since your last impulse book buy
Missing University of York PhD student found ‘safe and well’ by police following search
27-year-old Orlagh Anderson had been missing since yesterday evening but has since been located
Former York student and family ‘perilously’ trapped in Gaza with no food or shelter
The family of Fadi Hania are said to be in a ‘desperate situation’
Everything Jack O’Connell has been up to since breaking all our hearts as Cook in Skins
Rebecca MurphyHe’s now starring in the new Amy Winehouse biopic Back To Black
From absolute legends to losers, the definitive ranking of Coachella’s biggest headliners
Aaron EdwardsThere’s been the best of shows, there’s been the worst of shows
Emily Smith
Tori has finally spilled what her friendship status is now with the other MAFS Australia girls
Harrison Brocklehurst‘What those girls did to me was not friendship’
Madeleine complains that her MAFS Australia edit made her look like a ‘batsh*t crazy b*tch’
Francesca EkeThe psychic medium said that producers ‘pushed on a relationship topic that she didn’t want to go into’
MAFS Australia bride says groom broke up with her ‘out of the blue’ and won’t reply to her
‘He won’t reply to me. He hasn’t replied’
A body language expert says Jack and Tori are lying about having sex on MAFS Australia
‘Do I think they had proper sex? No’
Everything Eden and Jayden have been up to since their messy run on MAFS Australia
Apparently they broke up FOUR TIMES after filming finished
This is why everyone thinks Taylor Swift’s song thanK you aIMee is about Kim Kardashian
The title literally spells out KIM!!
All the savage Matty Healy lyrics Taylor Swift sings on The Tortured Poets Department
‘They shake their heads and say God help her when I tell them he’s my man’
Richard Gadd speaks about how similar Baby Reindeer’s Martha actually is to his real stalker
Phoebe KowhaiShe did actually send him over 41,071 emails and leave 350 hours of voicemails
Student at £43,000 a year private school ‘smashed the skulls’ of two students with hammer
The 17-year-old also tried to kill a teacher in ‘horrific attack’
Ellie Ring
What have Timothy and Lucinda been up to since their MAFS Australia 2024 homestay fight?
They’re still besties!
Here’s where to watch Richard Gadd next if you’re obsessed with Netflix’s Baby Reindeer
He’s in a police show with Stephen Graham!
Digs at Davide to Lorraine Kelly drama: What Ekin-Su has been up to since Celeb Big Brother
Iona MacRobertShe’s been in the headlines a lot lately
After their tense homestay, are Jack and Tori still together after MAFS Australia 2024?
I need answers immediately
Yikes! A snippet of Taylor Swift’s new album has allegedly leaked and people are SLATING it
‘We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist’ is an actual lyric
Inside the life of Walton Goggins, the Fallout ghoul everyone is weirdly crushing on
Lily ColdstreamYes, it’s possible to thirst after a man who looks like a carved pumpkin