York’s nightlife is average and that’s what makes it great

Thank Christ I know where everyone is

As a northern uni, York doesn’t really seem up to snuff when it comes to nightlife. We’re up against Leeds and Manchester where you’ll cut yourself if you’re not appropriately dressed for all the edges. We’re beaten for sheer size by Sheffield, and let’s not even start with the behemoth that is Newcastle. The Scottish unis seemingly come up trumps as well if you’re going to include them.

If you’re a maverick party-goer it seems like you’d never even consider applying to York. But this is where you’re wrong. Going out in a city where a Roman Emperor was crowned – google it if you don’t believe me – has so much going for it even without Willow.

It’s so easy to decide where to go

What day is it? If you know the answer to this simple question, and you know whether or not you’re going out, then you know where you’ll be going. To those of you with more than one option this may sound boring, but to us it affects so many factors on a night out in a good way. When I was on a night out in Edinburgh, the fact that during pre-drinks my friend was only just deciding where the night would take us was distinctly upsetting to me, and I longed for York’s warm, certain embrace.

You know that everyone will be there

With the exception of Fridays, when we are actually presented with more than one option, there is no coordination required. If you like to go out, and your friends like to go out, you will end up at the same place. It’s as simple as that. All you have to do is get there. Think you can manage?

Cheap transport

Asides from the fact that if you’re living on campus you have two buses ready to pick you up essentially from your doorstep, a cab between four of you shouldn’t exceed a tenner. There are also other buses that go into town, such as the Hull Road’s faithful number 10. Furthermore, once you’re actually within the city walls (so you know that your night out won’t get interrupted by another Viking raid), you can just walk to wherever you need to go in about ten minutes tops.

We know how to make our own fun – if you are in Derwent or have started your own deep house night, that is

You are always guaranteed a good time at a Derwent Club D event, replete with costumes, themed drinks and a self-reverent trashiness, epitomised by the smoke alarm going off at 1:30 time after time.

Fridays can occasionally be, for our standards, overwhelmingly diverse. Do I go to Koh Samui and confront the ghosts of what I did on Wednesday night? Do I go and sweat my entire body weight in Phats to the dulcet dutty tones of Sean Paul? And, what’s this? Blackbox? Drop? Tremor? Mansion Underground? This variety is beginning to give me a heart attack.

In all seriousness, the student-led club nights are beginning to gain proper credibility, with Drop? having hosted BBK beatsmith Preditah last December and are having Ms. Dynamite round for a cheeky sing-along at Fibbers to end the term with a bang.

Santa’s going on his own naughty list

Reliable post-lash food

Oki’s, Yummy Chicken, Deniz, Chico’s, Salt and Pepper, Micklegate Takeaway (the popcorn chicken there is so good I once had it as a normal takeaway), Viking Pizza, Dominic Pizza, the list goes on. Of course, the Zeus of the Pantheon that is Efes barely even needs a mention. We all know and cherish the contribution to student life that these restaurants give, and we salute them.

No need to panic lads

It doesn’t take itself too seriously

We’re not winning any awards for nightlife anytime soon, but nor do we have any pretensions that we might. We take what we’ve got and we grow endearingly attached to the single nightclub that is relevant to whichever night of the week it is. Besides, with its massive balcony and the fact that it has a bloody camper van in it, Kuda almost comes off as a big city venue. Almost.