Oxford Spanks Cambridge In Porn Viewing
But don’t rub it in, they last longer
Sam MaywoodThe Tab’s investigative journalism department, not satisfied with revealing Oxford students to be three times hornier than Tabs, has now discovered that Oxonians watch more porn too, but finish sooner.
Stats released by notorious porn hub PornHub and obtained this organ, show the average Oxford resident views a mighty 6.87 pages of porn per session, whereas citizens of Cambridge manage only a paltry 6.84.
Patriotic porn for patriotic procrasturbators
As befitting two historic institutions with diversity problems, the most common search term was “British” with “Who’s nailing Palin” star and self proclaimed “Most Popular Porn Star in The World” Lisa Ann coming in second.
However age-old rivalries were laid bare with Cambridge members preferring “lesbians” to “MILFs”, but Oxford, appropriately, recognised the importance of age, preferring “MILFs”.
It’s not all good news for Oxonian onanists, although lasting almost a minute longer than the world average Cambridge wins the varsity bishop bashing contest by 10 seconds with a handy time of 9 minutes and 50 second, proving once and for a that Tabs truly are bigger wankers.
Scientifically proven to be massive wankers
All is not lost as Durham, Bristol and St Andrews once again prove themselves second best to Oxbridge hegemony, lasting a limp 9:32, 9:38 and 9:22 respectively
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