What your library says about you

It’s obvious that your choice of library reveals a lot about you. Take our word for it.

Entering a library is a political act, a decision to align oneself with a carefully selected tribe. Screw simple academia, you’re all conniving ideologues. And you know it.

Herewith, what your choice of library says about you:

The Saïd Business School

You like to wear loafers and “smart-casual” shirts with faded jeans (which you secretly think are quite edgy) and a Paul Smith belt.

You spend 50% of your time researching or talking about internships and the other 50% drinking free coffee with likeminded gimps.

Your life is mapped with mind-numbing fastidiousness. All you think about is internships, banking jobs and bonuses. You hold a mesmerisingly assured belief that “success” and “coolness” are defined by your ability to achieve the above.

You idolise winners of The Apprentice and would pawn your mother’s teeth to demonstrate your ‘motivation’ and ‘ruthlessness’ to Sir Alan.

The Rad Cam

Yeah, you’re hip. You’re pretty cool. Often arriving without any work, you perform purposeless walks around the upper library, constructing your best face of mock-academic intensity while searching for someone to go to Olives with.

Bored and disillusioned with the mindless inanity of your colleagues’ conversations (“Yeah, most of my frunds are out of college, and people in college are getting like soooo annoyed at me,”) you cough and put your bag down semi-loudly just to hear the haunting echo.

On various trips to the loo, you purposefully walk out of the wrong door on the way out muttering, “Yeah, fuck you establishment.”

College Library

Ahhh the numbing warmth of the college library.

You enjoy the JCR too much (“Sky are showing Huddersfield vs Tranmere in the 2^nd round replay, anyone?”) and have an embarrassingly territorial attachment to “your seat,” furiously lambasting any “cocky freshers” who use it.

With an atmosphere that better resembles a glorified pensioners’ home than a hub of academic rigour, you’ve started taking your shoes off far too often. Spare time is spent sniggering over semi-funny YouTube videos (“I’ve done like nooooo work today!!!!! Look at this pig getting eaten by a goat!!!!”) Get. A. Life.