The best places to cry on campus

Only five days to go

Feeling the weight of exams? Do you just sit there looking blankly into the distance wondering if this half an hour you just wasted counts as good enough revision for tomorrow’s exam? If it is just getting a little bit too much we found a few places where you can proudly sport your panda eyes and snotty sleeves. Where it’s classed okay to lose your shit.

Quiet sections of Hallward

The place where no undergrad dares explore. Hallward is remarkably cosy during the winter months, and its shelves of monotonous policy and dates offer the perfect scrap to blow your nose on. The Starbucks downstairs offers refreshments for any mid-weep intervals and don’t worry, nobody smiles there anymore. Enjoy moping over that First Class degree you’ll never get which only freshly baked Sainsbury’s cookies can solve.

Student Advice Centre

It’s actually okay to cry whilst hunched over pouring out your hopes and fears to these guys. They’ve taken a vow of silence over how much of a failure you might be, and you can expect big things from arranging an appointment. It’s like going to talk to your mum but with a bit less judgement. If you can deal with being told to stop procrastinating and sort your shit out then head to Portland building.

Bench on the downs

Picturesque views over the downs provide a grand ambience for some self-deprecation. You can either pull a Forrest Gump and retell the events that made you a mega freak or just sit there and think this could be your future home if you fail to get that 2:1.

Swimming Pool

Others will mistake your swollen eyes for a chlorine allergy, just like the real Olympic swimmers. Try front crawl to disguise your spluttering and be sure to wear tinted goggles.

The Orchards (counselling service)

Yet another shoulder to cry on but with its own building. You know you’re pretty safe in The Orchards.

Trent Tunnel

Life’s a bitch. Add a bit of drama to your wailing with the echoes of the Trent/Portland tunnel. This short sob can only last about a minute.

Portland Cashpoints

Insufficient funds are just the beginning. Think overdrafts. Think £5 club entry, £5 you don’t have. No Uni Of student is bright enough NOT to run out of money, and we know it all too well. Mental breakdowns here are socially acceptable.

34 bus stop

Nothing like a whingey wine-sipper complaining about getting a 2:2. Stay til late to make the maximum number of people feel uncomfortable. Hope that bus takes you far, far away.