State school slander to Saltburn vampire: 17 of the wildest Tory tales from Leazes alumni

Often rumoured to have been both a prison and a psych ward in its previous life, Castle Leazes has stood the test of time for over 60 years and regardless of the recent news, I’m sure its legacy will continue for many (gap) years to come. Sure, it was basically a safe haven for southerners and skinny scarves, but it was also that accommodation. You know, the one with the cows and the option to be catered. Love it or hate it, the castle had its quirks and as an alumni myself, I must admit it was an experience. I mean, where else would you be able to say “rah” unironically? Who else would you socialise with if not the third member of The Chainsmokers? That rasp will haunt me forever.

But what’s actually true and what’s not? From fishing a pig’s head out of the toilets to getting a cow stuck in the lift, some of these rumours need to be debunked for good. So, on that note, here are some of the wildest s(tories) from students who actually lived in Leazes over the years:

1. ‘We got a rat thrown into our kitchen by rugby lads’

This story came up about three times and I’m not even slightly surprised. Guessing they lost their rugby ball and found the next best thing? Pretty innovative.

2. ‘My dad is 800th in line to the throne’

Of course he is.

3. ‘A guy I slept with said he had to go to St Andrews to see his cousin Louise. Lady Louise’

Did someone say BNOC?

4. ‘First year flatmate couldn’t believe that the rest of our flat went to state school’

Surprised you didn’t get evicted immediately.

5. ‘I’ve got so much food I can feed the poor’

Sounds like something The Bullingdon Club would say.

6. ‘Lad complaining he slept through pheasant shooting as I walked through one morning’

That is a great shame indeed.

7. ‘Slept with a dentistry student that kept saying he won a sweetheart award’

I don’t know what that is but it sounds mighty impressive.

8. ‘My housemate got a stick and poke in the Leazes kitchen’

Tattoos or tax evasion? Why choose when you can do both!

9. ‘My course is full of thickos because of state school quotas’

We all ended up at the same university at the end of the day.

10. ‘Someone asked me what prep school I went to and didn’t know what a primary school is’

All that money on education and for what?

11. ‘Got a receipt from a guy’s night out which was £700 (£450 of which were for “discretionary services”)’

On tonight’s episode of Dogs Behaving Badly.

12. ‘My housemate got asked if he was poor because he told someone he was from burnley’

I want to give this man a hug.

13. ‘Went to pres and no one talked to me because I didn’t go to private school’

You’re better off without the yaffles.

14. ‘Got vampire-d’

What in the Saltburn-

15. ‘ “I’d never date a northern girl” said a boy literally from Newcastle’

Bet he was from Gateshead too.

16. ‘Someone smashed my mug and left it on the counter’

Naughty corner, now.

17. ‘A boy put in snus after shagging me’

Ending on a high x

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