The Sports Night Starter Pack: everything you need to know about UCL’s magical Wednesday nights

It’s time to get funky

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you will have heard of UCL’s sports night. For some, it’s the highlight of the week, while others can’t escape the dread of their shameful escapades in Loop – will next week be just as embarrassing?

But if you still have no idea what sports night actually is, then fear not. This handy guide will tell you everything you need to know about these renowned Wednesday nights.

Tag onto a sports team

As obvious as this sounds, sports night won’t be much fun unless you’re with your team. Even if you’re not an avid member, you can always sneak in amongst dodgeball or tennis – as long as you take part in the pre-drinking, they’re unlikely to make a fuss. All the teams pre at either Phineas or ULU (or Mully’s for medics), and that’s where a lot of the interesting stuff happens.

Remember that this isn’t the time to savour your drinks

Speaking of interesting stuff, snake bite is one of the first things you’ll encounter on sports night. It’s a suspicious looking mixture of beer, cider and blackcurrant juice that is downed in truly staggering quantities, particularly by women’s football. Soon you probably won’t be able to even think of snake bite without shuddering.

If you value your life, watch out for the rugby team 

If women’s football can be rowdy, they’re nothing compared to the rugby team. These will be the guys the size of houses who are bursting out of their too-tight shirts and wearing ties. You’ll hear them chanting before you see them (probably ‘get it down, you Zulu warrior!’) and it’s best to avoid them if you don’t want to be crushed.

Brave the party bus (if you’re feeling tough)

Try to get on the party bus before they do. The party bus is a free bus that leaves from outside Phineas at 10pm every sports night to take everyone to Loop. It’s guaranteed to be full of teams who, when fuelled by snake bite, are mad, bad and dangerous to know. There will be many renditions of Burlington Bertie.

Get ready for the infamous Loop queue 

Last but not least, you’ll come to the phenomenon that is Loop. Possibly the sweatiest club on Oxford Circus (if not in existence) it always hosts UCL sports night, and there will definitely be a queue round the block if you get there after about 10:15 (so unlucky if it’s raining).

And a few final tips

Key things to bear in mind at this point are, firstly, to pee before you leave for Loop. The queue will take ages and you don’t want to spend half an hour feeling like your bladder’s going to explode. Secondly, once you make it inside, the bottom floor is the place to be, so always make your way there asap.

So now you’re (hopefully) equipped to deal with the craziness that is sports night. All I can say is good luck.