These are the 7 types of girls in Lincoln you will find on Tinder this Valentine’s Day
Sorry ladies but it had to be said
The dating scene of Lincoln is less than desirable. We’ve covered the boys, now it’s time to roast the girls.
I had a few conversations with some male friends, and they gave me a pretty good idea of what to expect when you enter the depths of Tinder. You’re going to find girls so posh, they think if you ask them for a bacon butty it is an attempt at dirty talk. Girls trying out for Ibiza Weekender every week and some girls with a horse obsession. Like seriously, every picture on their profile is of them stood next to a horse, on a horse, or in a stable. So, let’s get this show on the road.
One of the Lads
Usually, they have pictures of them drinking and hanging out with the boys, as well as playing some kind of sport. They don’t like girls, “they’re too much drama”. Think, Lucie from Love Island vibes.
They usually have tattoos and like to wear crop tops whilst sinking back a few pints with the lads. They’ll remind you at any opportunity about their ‘top tier banter’ and will keep it under wraps they’ve probably shagged one of their mates. Basically, they’re mentally a boy, so in a way, you know what you’re getting yourself into because they’ll play the same tricks as you.
The Posh Girls
They probably went to an all girls school, and their pictures will be them wearing satin dresses and heels, or a PLT playsuit with a blazer whilst drinking cocktails with the girls. Mummy and Daddy bought them a Fiat 500 for their 17th birthday, so she’ll take you to Maccies when you’re hungover because you’ll give her more attention than her dad does.
They didn’t enter a Lidl until the start of uni and they were astonished that they sold appliances like John Lewis. They’ll have a rugby player ex at a different uni somewhere that she’ll talk about a lot and also complain that she’s having to miss ski season.
Big Time Raver
Their profile consists of them wearing a lot of mesh and different shaped sunglasses holding a cup of something alcoholic in a field. They went to Leeds Fest in 2019 and they won’t stop talking about it.
Expect plenty of pictures of them under neon signs at Slug and Lettuce and with the angel wings at Craft. They’re usually an MUA or beauty therapist in their spare time, maybe they’re even a nail tech? Who knows, but they’ll have a dedicated Instagram account for it. They might have some decent chat, but you’ll spend more time having to pick her up at 3 am when she’s had too much to drink than conversation and her friends will start to annoy you, so best of luck.
So you have to split them into two groups. There are the girls who are finally free from their parents for the first time in 18 years and they are ready to PARTAYYYY. You’ve also got the girls who just broke up with their college boyfriend and are just dying to find out what else is out there. They will have a Tik Tok account and they will have posted videos of them dancing, so if you’re over the age of 22, check yourself.
You have to feel for them because they’ve not had a chance to go on a night out yet, and the majority of their pictures are selfies and pictures of them at their flat with their flatmates. They will keep the conversation going, but don’t expect a great love to blossom by swiping right.
The wannabe Instagram Models
All of their pictures look like they’ve been professionally shot, but chances are they’ve applied the Kim Kardashian method of taking pictures on a night out and they’ve got their mate to take about 100 pictures of them and chosen the best one. Their bio will say something like ‘If you’re shorter than 6ft, swipe left’, and all the rest of their profile will look like an advert for a fake tan brand.
They’ll move on from you quickly and they’ll ghost you if they meet someone who they find more interesting. Oh well, wasn’t much substance there anyway.
Can be referred to as a catfish, due to the excessive amounts of filters on their pictures or group shots where you have to figure out which one she is. The reality is that she’s really shy and just has zero confidence. Probably just broke up with a boyfriend or just came out of a failed talking stage, and has absolutely no idea why she’s on Tinder for anything other than a confidence boost. Don’t expect greatness, folks. You’re only being used to boost low self-esteem.
They will have an impressive fringe or coloured streaks at the front of their hair. Expect lots of leather, fishnets, black clothing, and a love of cats. Their profile consists of lots of black eyeliner and pouty mirror selfies. They’ll describe themselves as a ‘plant mum’ and their Spotify is mostly indie bands. They’re most likely vegan and have an entire shelf of Lush products and scented candles in the bathroom.
They want to get up on Chase Hudson and Machine Gun Kelly, so if you’re a rugby lad or a posh boy, they won’t be interested. Their bio will say something about Lolita and they will have made a version of the Buss It challenge on TikTok. Need I say more? I don’t think so.
It may seem like I’m being harsh, but this is just the cruel reality folks. But don’t be deterred. There are tons of Tinder/Bumble/Hinge success stories out there, in fact, a few of my friends can count themselves within that group. So this Valentine’s Day, give love a chance. I also have it on good authority that lads want you to message them first too. Do your worst.